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" An awful lot of female celebrities are very beautiful whereas a lot of male celebrities are not so hot. "

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" I am really bad at actually interviewing people. "

" I don't think anyone wants to be gay. "

" The people I want are very famous and very rich, and all I can offer them is a bit of exposure on TV and a bit of cash, so it's a miracle we get any guests at all. But we have been very lucky. "

" Britain's such a twisted, weird little place. "

" I am very quick to judge. "

" I don't think you should have to try to be nice, I think most people are nice. I think being cheerful and nice is just a politeness. "

" A comedian's a comedian. They're a very kind of cynical bunch. I guess that's why I like them. "

" I'm often dating people, but I don't say it because you sort of know it won't last long. "

" Basically, I'm a really bad interviewer. I love meeting celebrities, but then I get a bit bored. Once you meet them you thing, 'really, what an ordinary person'. "

" I loved Lucille Ball growing up. "

" The higher your profile becomes, the more aware you are that people out there might hate you. "

" In terms of language, yeah we get bleeped and blurred and things, but in terms of content, I would probably say we're getting away with more here than we could get away with in Britain. And that surprised us so much! "

" My parents grew up working class, but in that way that working class families do, they spent a fortune on education to better me. "

" I've heard other gay people say when they were growing up they felt 'foreign.' Growing up, I was able to label these feelings as: 'I'm a Protestant.' It wasn't until I left, I thought: 'Oh, those weren't Protestant feelings.' "

" Straight men just can't imagine the bliss of being in a relationship with someone who finds farting as funny as they do. "

" You don't want to be hard to look at. Plain very good, hard to look at bad. The plain shall inherit the earth; time is our friend. "

" If you'd told the young Graham Norton that I'd one day have this amount of money, I'd have assumed it would have come from a lottery win. "

" The BBC will always be attacked by whoever is in government. It is that George Bush thing of 'If you're not with us you are against us.' "

" If it was possible for me to adopt, I probably would, but no one's going to let me adopt. "

" I'm actually quite self-sufficient, so it might look as if there isn't room for anyone in my life. That isn't entirely the case. "

" Those years between drama school and getting onto the stand-up circuit were pretty lean. "

" One of the great things about being gay and out is that the papers couldn't care less about your love life. "

" Do I have more depth than I'm given credit for? No! "

" My life could have been so grim... really, really grim. "

" I don't think I've got bad taste. I've got no taste. "

" My mobile rang around lunchtime one day, and it was George Michael. He wanted to come in on Friday. We were like, 'okay, if that's what you want'. And he was a very good guest. That's a real exception to the rule. "

" All my day is spent dealing with other people. When I come home I like it to be empty. The presence of others in my house kind of annoys me. I love coming home and shutting the doors. I feel brain dead. I'm relatively available, but not to live with. "

" Where I get bored is when I show up for a shoot and they want me to wear a feather boa. Too obvious a thing for a poof on the telly to do. "

" I'd like to retire at 50 but I don't want to sell papers in the middle of London on a Zimmer. "

" All my interesting stories are from before I was on television. Nothing interesting has happened to me since then. Maybe it's because the most interesting thing in my life is the show and that's on telly. "