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" I loved Lucille Ball growing up. "

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" I have nothing to say about my childhood. It was a perfectly pleasant upbringing - it's not like it was unhappy or anything. "

" Tolerance is forced on people in London. "

" Do I have more depth than I'm given credit for? No! "

" I spent a long time working in restaurants and making no money. It was very character-building, but I think it could have been built in a shorter time. "

" Straight men just can't imagine the bliss of being in a relationship with someone who finds farting as funny as they do. "

" A comedian's a comedian. They're a very kind of cynical bunch. I guess that's why I like them. "

" My life could have been so grim... really, really grim. "

" The BBC will always be attacked by whoever is in government. It is that George Bush thing of 'If you're not with us you are against us.' "

" The higher your profile becomes, the more aware you are that people out there might hate you. "

" I am really bad at actually interviewing people. "

" I'd like to retire at 50 but I don't want to sell papers in the middle of London on a Zimmer. "

" My parents grew up working class, but in that way that working class families do, they spent a fortune on education to better me. "

" I always say I'd rather be miserable by myself than unhappy in a relationship. "

" I do get pleasure from very inconsequential things, like shopping for clothes. "

" My mobile rang around lunchtime one day, and it was George Michael. He wanted to come in on Friday. We were like, 'okay, if that's what you want'. And he was a very good guest. That's a real exception to the rule. "

" Some people think they're depressed and they go to the doctor and want pills. And you just think: 'You hate where you live, you've lost your job, your boyfriend has dumped you, could all this be why you're depressed?' "

" An awful lot of female celebrities are very beautiful whereas a lot of male celebrities are not so hot. "

" I bet Maurice Gibb's heart monitor was singing the tune of Stayin' Alive. "

" I'm often dating people, but I don't say it because you sort of know it won't last long. "

" All my interesting stories are from before I was on television. Nothing interesting has happened to me since then. Maybe it's because the most interesting thing in my life is the show and that's on telly. "

" My ambition was to stop waiting tables. That was how I measured success: finally, I was able to stop waiting tables, and I was able to pay the rent, and that was by being a stand-up comic. Not a very good stand-up comic, but good enough to make a living. "

" Forty freaked me out. I didn't see it coming. My life was in a state of chaos - I was moving jobs and moving house - and it just hit me like a ton of bricks. "

" I was a failed actor but I still wanted to show off, so I ended up doing live comedy. "

" I don't think you should have to try to be nice, I think most people are nice. I think being cheerful and nice is just a politeness. "

" In terms of language, yeah we get bleeped and blurred and things, but in terms of content, I would probably say we're getting away with more here than we could get away with in Britain. And that surprised us so much! "

" You don't want money to make you a social freak where you can only hang out with rich people. "

" All these people I interview are worth ten times what I'm worth. "

" I think the word is adult! "

" I don't think anyone wants to be gay. "

" I've heard other gay people say when they were growing up they felt 'foreign.' Growing up, I was able to label these feelings as: 'I'm a Protestant.' It wasn't until I left, I thought: 'Oh, those weren't Protestant feelings.' "