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" I always say I'd rather be miserable by myself than unhappy in a relationship. "

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" Forty freaked me out. I didn't see it coming. My life was in a state of chaos - I was moving jobs and moving house - and it just hit me like a ton of bricks. "

" Tolerance is forced on people in London. "

" I was a failed actor but I still wanted to show off, so I ended up doing live comedy. "

" Well, certainly I think American television is - that's proper TV. "

" I am really bad at actually interviewing people. "

" I'm actually quite self-sufficient, so it might look as if there isn't room for anyone in my life. That isn't entirely the case. "

" An awful lot of female celebrities are very beautiful whereas a lot of male celebrities are not so hot. "

" Where I get bored is when I show up for a shoot and they want me to wear a feather boa. Too obvious a thing for a poof on the telly to do. "

" The people I want are very famous and very rich, and all I can offer them is a bit of exposure on TV and a bit of cash, so it's a miracle we get any guests at all. But we have been very lucky. "

" I am very quick to judge. "

" The BBC will always be attacked by whoever is in government. It is that George Bush thing of 'If you're not with us you are against us.' "

" I'd like to retire at 50 but I don't want to sell papers in the middle of London on a Zimmer. "

" The BBC is a victim of its own independence. "

" I don't think you should have to try to be nice, I think most people are nice. I think being cheerful and nice is just a politeness. "

" If it was possible for me to adopt, I probably would, but no one's going to let me adopt. "

" I don't think anyone wants to be gay. "

" If you'd told the young Graham Norton that I'd one day have this amount of money, I'd have assumed it would have come from a lottery win. "

" It's amazing how I can just ramble on for hours, isn't it? And so unentertaining or uninteresting. But I can ramble on for hours. It's a sort of terrible gift, isn't it? "

" You don't want money to make you a social freak where you can only hang out with rich people. "

" Straight men just can't imagine the bliss of being in a relationship with someone who finds farting as funny as they do. "

" I have nothing to say about my childhood. It was a perfectly pleasant upbringing - it's not like it was unhappy or anything. "

" My ambition was to stop waiting tables. That was how I measured success: finally, I was able to stop waiting tables, and I was able to pay the rent, and that was by being a stand-up comic. Not a very good stand-up comic, but good enough to make a living. "

" Because society places a value on masculinity, gay men aspire to it. If you go to a gay club and the doorman says, 'You do realise this is a gay club, don't you lads?' you get all excited because you think, 'Wow, he thought I was straight!' "

" The only people who are desperate to go on the show are people we're desperate not to have on the show. "

" All my interesting stories are from before I was on television. Nothing interesting has happened to me since then. Maybe it's because the most interesting thing in my life is the show and that's on telly. "

" The higher your profile becomes, the more aware you are that people out there might hate you. "

" Some people think they're depressed and they go to the doctor and want pills. And you just think: 'You hate where you live, you've lost your job, your boyfriend has dumped you, could all this be why you're depressed?' "

" Basically, I'm a really bad interviewer. I love meeting celebrities, but then I get a bit bored. Once you meet them you thing, 'really, what an ordinary person'. "

" Do I have more depth than I'm given credit for? No! "

" Those years between drama school and getting onto the stand-up circuit were pretty lean. "