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" If God wanted us to bend over he'd put diamonds on the floor. "

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" My life needs editing. "

" 'I Love You, Man' was kind of funny. "

" Things have to be funny first, and if they want to have a point, that's awesome. "

" Is everything funny? For me, yes. There's a positive to every negative. Even my divorce? For me, yes. If you go back and look at it, why it happened or how it happened, there's something in there that'll make you laugh. "

" Always remember your kid's name. Always remember where you put your kid. Don't let your kid drive until their feet can reach the pedals. Use the right size diapers... for yourself. And, when in doubt, make funny faces. "

" What was funny if you were there is that we were all immensely sophisticated people who knew exactly what she was going to say and we're chatting away, nice to see you. "

" Keep your sense of humor, my friend; if you don't have a sense of humor it just isn't funny anymore. "

" The human brain is a funny thing: it's very susceptible to tempo and melody. You put the right words to it, and it becomes very influential. "

" This suspense is terrible. I hope it will last. "

" Some call-in moderators are neutral and courteous. Then there's Rush Limbaugh, who is funny and pompous and a scapegoater and hatemonger. His popularity could cause you to draw some terrible conclusions about the state of mind of the American people. It helps to remember that Bill Cosby is popular, too. "

Donella Meadows

" That's my main flaw: I always think authority figures or my boss is going to think something I do is funny. And usually they don't. "

" I detest jokes - when somebody tells me one, I feel my IQ dropping; the brain cells start to disappear. But something is funny when the person delivering the line doesn't know it's funny or doesn't treat it as a joke. Maybe it comes from a place of truth, or it's a sort of rage against society. "

" Working with Julie Andrews is like getting hit over the head with a valentine. "

Christopher Plummer

" My fake plants died because I did not pretend to water them. "

" The chief function of the body is to carry the brain around. "

Thomas A. Edison

" As far as I'm concerned, 'whom' is a word that was invented to make everyone sound like a butler. "

" I would ask my mother to show me how to walk - and she did show me. That's why I think it's funny when people say, 'Did so-and-so teach you how to walk?' And I always say, 'You must be talking about my mother, because it was my mother who taught me how to walk.' "

" I was asked to act when I couldn't act. I was asked to sing 'Funny Face' when I couldn't sing, and dance with Fred Astaire when I couldn't dance - and do all kinds of things I wasn't prepared for. Then I tried like mad to cope with it. "

" I'm in nobody's circle, I've always been an outsider. "

" I think we're all good and bad, but good's not funny. Bad is funny. Suppress the good and let the bad out, and then you can be funny. "

" I failed to make the chess team because of my height. "

" I had a friend who was a plastic surgeon, so he would do little things. I never had, like, a full thing. So I would go in maybe once every two or three years, and he'd do a little here, a little there; tweak you, like you tweak your car. Then I became the plastic surgery poster girl. "

" I've never been married, but I tell people I'm divorced so they won't think something is wrong with me. "

" 'Hustle' is wonderfully enjoyable because all my life, I've made an effort to be with people who can make me laugh. That original cast - Marc Warren, Jaime Murray, Robert Glenister and Adrian Lester - are all funny. So I know every day I'll have a few good laughs. "

" There's a misunderstanding about what nonsensical things are - the idea that they're just funny, and that's the beginning and the end of it. Nonsense is not 'not sense' - it operates at the edge of sense. It teems with sense - at the same time, it resists any kind of universal understanding. "

" They say marriages are made in Heaven. But so is thunder and lightning. "

" You know, you can touch a stick of dynamite, but if you touch a venomous snake it'll turn around and bite you and kill you so fast it's not even funny. "

" All men are equal before fish. "

" Chris Hemsworth is like Christopher Reeve in that he can do two things: he can wear a big red cape without a shred of self-consciousness. But he's also funny as hell, and he's so sweet. So with all the fish-out-of-water stuff, he's so funny. So he does almost two jobs in a way. "

" It has yet to be proven that intelligence has any survival value. "

Arthur C. Clarke