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" I failed to make the chess team because of my height. "

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" Do not take life too seriously. You will never get out of it alive. "

" With improv, it's a combination of listening and not trying to be funny. "

" I would never die for my beliefs because I might be wrong. "

Bertrand Russell

" I like Ben Stein. I think he's funny, creative, and an insightful commentator on a host of issues. "

" They say Yogi Berra is funny. Well, he has a lovely wife and family, a beautiful home, money in the bank, and he plays golf with millionaires. What's funny about that? "

" I've always found it easier to be funny than to be serious. "

" Never fight an inanimate object. "

" When I turned about 12 or 13, I realised that being funny wasn't about remembering jokes. It was about creating them. "

" There's a darkness under 'The Hangover' because ultimately there's a missing person and it's not really that funny. There's a sort of darkness under it that I love, and still people are laughing as hard if not harder than they did in 'Old School.' "

" I love every minute of fatherhood, staying up all night, changing nappies, kids crying, I find it really funny and inspiring. It connects you to the world in a new way. "

" It's funny to be in rooms where you were originally referred to as 'The Shakespeare Guy' and to suddenly be in the position where you're 'The Blockbuster Guy.' That's a pretty unusual turnabout, I must say. "

Kenneth Branagh

" There are certain sorts of jokes which have only to do with the substitution of the unexpected word in a familiar context. If you translated something into French and then had it translated back into English by somebody who didn't know the original, you'd lose what was funny. "

" Laziness is nothing more than the habit of resting before you get tired. "

" I went window shopping today! I bought four windows. "

" Electricity is really just organized lightning. "

" My mother is very funny. She is from a village; she has a typical village kind of humour. Often she says a lot of things she herself isn't aware is a punch line. "

" And at the time, it is funny how you can look at something and say, for example with my shoulder injury, when it first happened I said this is the worst thing that could happen to me. Why me, why now? Now I look back and say it was probably the best thing that happened to me. "

" I'm not saying that I'm on some crusade to change people's minds. I'm just doing what I do. I'm a comedian, I'm trying to be funny... I think when they see a comedy show with an Iranian and an Egyptian and two Palestinians, I think they go, 'Oh wow, these guys are just like us.' "

" Being funny with a funny voice is more my comfort zone, a broader character that I try to humanize, a kind of silly or wacky persona that I try to fill in. "

" Society is like a stew. If you don't stir it up every once in a while then a layer of scum floats to the top. "

" I'm very silly as a person, but quality silliness on-screen has more of an art to it. Harrison Ford, whom I was in 'Morning Glory' with, has mastered that dry funny better than anyone. "

" If you're not failing every now and again, it's a sign you're not doing anything very innovative. "

" I realized I was gay in the shower one day with Barbra Streisand. It happened while I was lathering, rinsing, and repeating with Pert Plus. As I was belting out the chorus to my favorite song from 'Funny Girl,' 'Oh my man, I love him so, he'll never know...' it hit me. "

" I never liked you, and I always will. "

" That's my main flaw: I always think authority figures or my boss is going to think something I do is funny. And usually they don't. "

" Comedy just pokes at problems, rarely confronts them squarely. Drama is like a plate of meat and potatoes, comedy is rather the dessert, a bit like meringue. "

" It's such a funny thing when you see your daughter transitioning from your baby, your little girl, to suddenly being a young woman. If you're not really looking for it, you can miss it, and Lily-Rose is on that road already, and there's nothing I can do to stop it. "

" When I'm on stage, it's really intense. My mind is going a million miles an hour, trying to remember my act, trying to say it all the right way. It's funny how different it looks and how it's happening. There are three Fellini circuses in my head, and outwardly it looks like I'm going to get a bagel. "

" The tax collector must love poor people, he's creating so many of them. "

" If my life wasn't funny, it would just be true, and that's unacceptable. "