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" 'I Love You, Man' was kind of funny. "

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" I'm not saying that I'm on some crusade to change people's minds. I'm just doing what I do. I'm a comedian, I'm trying to be funny... I think when they see a comedy show with an Iranian and an Egyptian and two Palestinians, I think they go, 'Oh wow, these guys are just like us.' "

" I'm fascinated with the stories that we tell. Real histories become fantasies and fairy tales, morality tales and fables. There's something interesting and funny and perverse about the way fairytale sometimes passes for history, for truth. "

" That's my only goal. Surround myself with funny people, and make sure everyone has a good time and works hard. "

" I'll stick to finding the funny in the ordinary because my life is pretty ordinary and so are the lives of my friends - and my friends are hilarious. "

" My mama never wore a pair of pants when I was growing up, and now that's all she wears. It was so funny for me when I first started seeing Mama wear pants. It was like it wasn't Mama. Now I've bought her many a pantsuit because she just lives in them. "

" Two wrongs don't make a right, but they make a good excuse. "

" I have a wonderful make-up crew. They're the same people restoring the Statue of Liberty. "

" It's funny. You travel all over the world, and you wind up with a guy from your hometown. "

" I knew I was an unwanted baby when I saw that my bath toys were a toaster and a radio. "

" The fact is I'm choosy, but mainly about a man's character. He has to be interesting, funny and clever. I don't even mind if he's not very good-looking. "

" It is easy for me to love myself, but for ladies to do it is another question altogether. "

" I think anyone who has, you know, is in any sort of artistic pursuit, kind of goes up and down with the way they feel about their work. And I, for the most part, am pretty happy person. But, yeah. I go through definite periods of time where I'm not funny. I'm not good. I'm - I don't feel original. "

" To label me an intellectual is a misunderstanding of what that is. "

Misunderstanding

" Without hurting anybody, we all tend to laugh at others' discomfort. When someone slips on a banana skin and falls it's funny. "

" I'm not funny. What I am is brave. "

" I'm thankful enough or blessed enough to be able to say that Miles Davis was a friend when he was alive, and he was a wonderful mentor and really, really funny, you know. "

" An optimist is a fellow who believes a housefly is looking for a way to get out. "

George Jean Nathan

" I love practical jokes and humor. That there's frankly no joke that I don't think is funny. I love practical jokes, but I don't like being scared. "

" No matter how popular you are as a stand-up - you can go out and fill a 10,000-seat arena and be smart and funny - it's delicate to host an awards show and know where your place is and know that it's not about you, that it's about the people who are nominated, and respect that, but at the same time have your moment to show them who you are. "

Ellen DeGeneres

" It all started when my dog began getting free roll over minutes. "

" It seems like everybody's perception of me is very bipolar. To one group, it's overpaid, overrated; to another group, it's underpaid, underrated, underdog. It's funny to me because there's no real balance. "

" Why do they call it rush hour when nothing moves? "

" I'm for whatever gets you through the night. "

" There's a great power in words, if you don't hitch too many of them together. "

" The four building blocks of the universe are fire, water, gravel and vinyl. "

" I'm crazy, funny, and good looking! "

" I think the eyes flirt most. There are so many ways to use them. "

" I love the funny and sweet moments I have with my cats, Jake and Frank, so I'm honored to be celebrating these moments at the Catdance Film Festival. "

" Fashions have done more harm than revolutions. "

" It is to be observed that 'angling' is the name given to fishing by people who can't fish. "

Stephen Leacock