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" If you want to be thought a liar, always tell the truth. "

Logan Pearsall Smith

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" I used to work at NASA in Virginia. It was nothing glamorous; I was just tasked with making code compile for obscure projects, and I wasn't very good at it. Now I spend most of my time drawing pictures and looking at funny things on the Internet, which in retrospect is largely what I did at my old job, too. "

" Always remember that you are absolutely unique. Just like everyone else. "

" 'Copper' is my first period piece. It's funny because I've been doing a lot of episodes of 'Elementary' with Johnny Lee Miller and Lucy Liu; they keep bringing me back on the show, and so I go from being an outstanding black doctor to being a kind of hood, ex-car thief who went through rehab in 'Elementary.' "

" I think that certain things are funny and certain things are okay to make fun of - including myself. "

" It's funny what a few no-hitters do for a body. "

" I love mankind; it's people I can't stand. "

Charles M. Schulz

" If you are losing your leisure, look out; you may be losing your soul. "

Logan Pearsall Smith

" The way my luck is running, if I was a politician I would be honest. "

Rodney Dangerfield

" I'm not saying that I'm on some crusade to change people's minds. I'm just doing what I do. I'm a comedian, I'm trying to be funny... I think when they see a comedy show with an Iranian and an Egyptian and two Palestinians, I think they go, 'Oh wow, these guys are just like us.' "

" It's funny how people who ain't never been down there can think that America is so fair and that we should be alright. It's funny that the people who have their foot on our neck are telling us, 'Get up. What's wrong with you?' "

" Why do you have to be a nonconformist like everybody else? "

" It's funny how it usually works out that I end up dying. It sort of works out, because by the time I die, I'm usually tired of working on that particular movie, so I look forward to it. "

" I have had a perfectly wonderful evening, but this wasn't it. "

" There are two things to aim at in life: first, to get what you want, and after that to enjoy it. Only the wisest of mankind achieve the second. "

Logan Pearsall Smith

" Lead us not into temptation. Just tell us where it is; we'll find it. "

" It's a funny feeling to work with people who you consider your colleagues and to realize that they actually are young enough to be your children. "

" Actually being funny is mostly telling the truth about things. "

Bernard Sahlins

" Communism is like one big phone company. "

" I'm good at coming up with wacky characters and funny dialogue. "

" How can you analyse what is funny? What's funny to one isn't funny to another... What's funny to you is a personal thing. "

" I never thought of myself as like, a funny person. "

" It sounds funny, but I always try to keep an open mind about what I'm writing about. Sometimes I squeak my opinions in there, but generally I don't. I try to be objective about things that I'm writing about. "

John Mellencamp

" The great thing for me about 'The Resurrection of Gavin Stone' is it's a throwback to the old fashioned Hollywood movie that you can watch with your family, has a message, and is funny and entertaining. They didn't call them faith-based movies; they just called them good movies. "

" Without hurting anybody, we all tend to laugh at others' discomfort. When someone slips on a banana skin and falls it's funny. "

" I was just a goofy little funny kid, who was always getting sent to the principal. It wasn't serious because I was smart. I wasn't like a true troublemaker, just rambunctious - like, talkative and trying to be funny. That was me in middle-school. "

" I'm a pretty funny guy, and I would love to do a comedy with a bunch of funny guys - movie-star guys, where they could help me through it. "

" I would call it a comedy variety show. We have some people just doing straight standup. We usually try to have one musical act of sort. So its just people being funny in different ways, not just sketch, not just standup, not just characters, all of those things. "

" It's funny: I was a photographer before I was a programmer. "

" Tragedy is when I cut my finger. Comedy is when you fall into an open sewer and die. "