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" Lead us not into temptation. Just tell us where it is; we'll find it. "

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" What I am looking for is a blessing not in disguise. "

Jerome K. Jerome

" I don't need you to be funny. I don't want to be entertained. "

" As I get older, all sorts of things become less funny. Once one has children, any cruelty involving children becomes far less amusing than when one was at the mercy of one's friends' and relatives' children. "

" I can really stir up a conversation. Every time I go to a meeting or a casting, I try to make it as light and funny as I can. I'm always making really awkward jokes. You have to make life fun and not take it too seriously. I may look like I'm very serious and into my work, but if you knew me, I'm just a jokester. "

Charlotte McKinney

" Children are smarter than any of us. Know how I know that? I don't know one child with a full time job and children. "

" Do not let a flattering woman coax and wheedle you and deceive you; she is after your barn. "

" It's funny, because what happens to me when I read a script, when something grabs hold of me, I start getting these flashes of people or places or things or images. "

" I like marriage. The idea. "

" I'm a fan of the old 'Creature Features' like 'Critters,' and 'Gremlins' and 'Tremors.' 'Jaws' is classic. It's funny that I still like those films because I remember my mom would tease me about getting a pet Critter to keep under my bed. "

" Because death and illness are the most horrible things in life, of course that's where the most absurdly funny things are going to happen. "

" I love practical jokes and humor. That there's frankly no joke that I don't think is funny. I love practical jokes, but I don't like being scared. "

" We spend a lot of time on Skype and other video interviews, and it's funny how many people will prepare for a Skype interview by wearing a formal suit jacket with pajama pants on the bottom. Then suddenly, someone is at the door, and you have to get up, and you realize you're wearing reindeer boxers. Just put pants on. "

Kathryn Minshew

" We know that the nature of genius is to provide idiots with ideas twenty years later. "

" Animals are sentient, intelligent, perceptive, funny and entertaining. We owe them a duty of care as we do to children. "

Michael Morpurgo

" There's nothing I dislike more than being in a photo shoot where they say, 'Be yourself.' That's not why I became an actress. That's what I find so funny: that you become an actor, and all of a sudden, everyone wants to know about you. But I didn't become an actor so I could show you me. "

" A two-year-old is kind of like having a blender, but you don't have a top for it. "

" When God sneezed, I didn't know what to say. "

" I am certain there is too much certainty in the world. "

Michael Crichton

" I had everything I'd hoped for, but I wasn't being myself. So I decided to be honest about who I was. It was strange: The people who loved me for being funny suddenly didn't like me for being... me. "

Ellen DeGeneres

" A rich man's joke is always funny. "

Thomas Edward Brown

" I'm blonde and tanned and normal-sized! I'm sweet, shy, funny, have a big heart and I'm nice - and I like to eat. "

" Funny is the world I live in. You're funny, I'm interested. You're not funny, I'm not interested. "

" People often can't separate, or can't understand, that to be funny is to be serious; it's a way of pulling people in and not scaring them off. I think a lot of the funny stuff, underneath it, there's a deep anxiety going on. "

" I always find it actually funny that the analysis is that the characters I play in comedies are the manchild, the adolescent, characters that refuse to grow up. And yet, if you look back in the history of comedy all the way back to the Marx brothers, that's a big part of comedy. "

" I have six locks on my door all in a row. When I go out, I lock every other one. I figure no matter how long somebody stands there picking the locks, they are always locking three. "

" I do come across people who don't like me, don't like my comedy, don't think it's funny, it's too cutesy, or whatever they hate. And it's like, 'Okay. That's your opinion. Somebody liked it, so that's good.' Hopefully it balances out. "

" Life would be tragic if it weren't funny. "

Stephen Hawking

" I buy expensive suits. They just look cheap on me. "

" It's funny what a few no-hitters do for a body. "

" We owe a lot to Thomas Edison - if it wasn't for him, we'd be watching television by candlelight. "