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" It's a funny feeling to work with people who you consider your colleagues and to realize that they actually are young enough to be your children. "

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" Comedy is surprises, so if you're intending to make somebody laugh and they don't laugh, that's funny. "

" I never said most of the things I said. "

" Society is like a stew. If you don't stir it up every once in a while then a layer of scum floats to the top. "

" It's funny how you never think about the women you've had. It's always the ones who get away that you can't forget. "

Chuck Palahniuk

" When I turned about 12 or 13, I realised that being funny wasn't about remembering jokes. It was about creating them. "

" The funny guy doesn't get the girl until later in life. High school, college, everyone still wants the brooding, dangerous guy you shouldn't have. "

" When God sneezed, I didn't know what to say. "

" It's funny. All you have to do is say something nobody understands and they'll do practically anything you want them to. "

" Chris Hemsworth is like Christopher Reeve in that he can do two things: he can wear a big red cape without a shred of self-consciousness. But he's also funny as hell, and he's so sweet. So with all the fish-out-of-water stuff, he's so funny. So he does almost two jobs in a way. "

" It all started when my dog began getting free roll over minutes. "

" I love Felicity Jones. It was funny because I went to go see the 'Rogue One' set, and I was like, 'Oh my God, I love you.' And she's so tiny, and elegant, and she's just so small. Everyone's so much smaller than they seem. "

" I don't follow anything blindly. I have to know the entire thing, if I have to get in to it. It might sound funny to you, but it's like using English language. I use an English word only when I know its meaning and understand its connotation. You won't hear me say, 'What's up, dude' or anything like that just for the heck of it. "

" I wish the government would put a tax on pianos for the incompetent. "

" I like bowling. I suck at it, but I like it. You know what's so funny? I have days when I'm absolutely great at doing it, and then I have days when I just don't understand it. "

" I'm going to take this God-given gift of being funny, and I'm going to spread it out like peanut butter on everything I do. "

" If you're OK with being clumsy, it's funny. But if you are super embarrassed, people are going to laugh at you. "

" What's another word for Thesaurus? "

" I'm going to marry a Jewish woman because I like the idea of getting up Sunday morning and going to the deli. "

" He looks as though he's been weaned on a pickle. "

Alice Roosevelt Longworth

" If you're going to tell people the truth, be funny or they'll kill you. "

" You know, fame is a funny thing, man, especially, you know, actors, musicians, rappers, rock singers, it's kind of a lifestyle and it's easy to get caught up in it - you go to bars, you go to clubs, everyone's doing a certain thing... It's tough. "

" My mother was a very, very funny, outrageous, outspoken person, and she never edited me. Her whole thing in my life was if anybody had a problem with me, tell them to go to hell. "

" A lot of baby boomers are baby bongers. "

" I don't have a caustic sense of humor. What I find funny, that humor comes from a much gentler place. "

" If you're serious, you really understand that it's important that you laugh as much as possible and admit that you're the funniest person you ever met. You have to laugh. Admit that you're funny. Otherwise, you die in solemnity. "

" I try to be funny and not ignorant. "

" It's funny: the one time I got star-struck was when I met Snoop Dogg. I gave him a hug and said, 'I love you, man.' "

" I am certain there is too much certainty in the world. "

Michael Crichton

" I like children - fried. "

" He looked about as inconspicuous as a tarantula on a slice of angel food. "

Raymond Chandler