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" It's funny how it usually works out that I end up dying. It sort of works out, because by the time I die, I'm usually tired of working on that particular movie, so I look forward to it. "
" There's a misunderstanding about what nonsensical things are - the idea that they're just funny, and that's the beginning and the end of it. Nonsense is not 'not sense' - it operates at the edge of sense. It teems with sense - at the same time, it resists any kind of universal understanding. "
" What's funny is I probably still have some calligraphy business cards floating out in the world, and I can't wait for someone to call me in a month or something, and say, 'Can you do these for my son's Bar Mitzvah?' "
" One man is as good as another until he has written a book. "
" I get a stack of scripts, like, once a month, and most of the time, you find these placeholder girls that are there to provide a bounce for the male character. So we know he's funny because she's serious and she's mad at him. We know he's strong because she needs saving. So really, her job is to validate this personality trait of our hero or male. "
" I read a funny story about how the Republicans freed the slaves. The Republicans are the ones who created slavery by law in the 1600's. Abraham Lincoln freed the slaves and he was not a Republican. "
" No man has a good enough memory to be a successful liar. "
" I'm like old wine. They don't bring me out very often - but I'm well preserved. "
" I love deadlines. I like the whooshing sound they make as they fly by. "
" Filming is a funny combination of having a good time and not being able to wait until it's over. "
Having A Good Time
" Communism is like one big phone company. "
" If I had to live my life again, I'd make the same mistakes, only sooner. "
" It's hard to be funny when you have to be clean. "
" I would never die for my beliefs because I might be wrong. "
" I was so naive as a kid I used to sneak behind the barn and do nothing. "
" All these jokes have been pre-approved as funny by me. "
" Don't talk about yourself; it will be done when you leave. "
" I wouldn't totally rule out doing Letterman or the Tonight Show if I had a set that I just happened to write that I thought was funny but was still appropriate for network censors. But I'm not going to go out of my way. "
" Include me out. "
" Me carrying a briefcase is like a hotdog wearing earrings. "
" I had no desire to get up onstage and tell jokes. I prefer to stand next to really funny people. "
" It has yet to be proven that intelligence has any survival value. "
Arthur C. Clarke
" Why do they call it rush hour when nothing moves? "
" I don't feel that I'm explaining the world or teaching people anything. And I'm not trying to be a mirror, showing them what's really going on the world. All I'm trying to do is think of stuff that's funny, just like when I'm kidding around with my friends. "
" I like long walks, especially when they are taken by people who annoy me. "
" Being a stand-up is my mission in life; it's my passion. My ongoing goal is to simply be funny, on my own, in front of a roomful of strangers. "
" I've never been married, but I tell people I'm divorced so they won't think something is wrong with me. "
" That's my main flaw: I always think authority figures or my boss is going to think something I do is funny. And usually they don't. "
" I'm quite sarcastic, and I'm funny, but not kind of funny. It's a weird funny, and some people don't get me, and some people do. "
Millie Bobby Brown
" They're great girls. They're very funny, they're very smart, they're fun to be with. They're very lively, as I think people can tell. And you know, they're very confident girls. "
" Forty for you, sixty for me. And equal partners we will be. "