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" It's funny how it usually works out that I end up dying. It sort of works out, because by the time I die, I'm usually tired of working on that particular movie, so I look forward to it. "
Owen Wilson
Tired
Funny
Look
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" There's a misunderstanding about what nonsensical things are - the idea that they're just funny, and that's the beginning and the end of it. Nonsense is not 'not sense' - it operates at the edge of sense. It teems with sense - at the same time, it resists any kind of universal understanding. "
Jesse Ball
End
Beginning
Time
" What's funny is I probably still have some calligraphy business cards floating out in the world, and I can't wait for someone to call me in a month or something, and say, 'Can you do these for my son's Bar Mitzvah?' "
Meghan Markle
Funny
Me
Son
" One man is as good as another until he has written a book. "
Benjamin Jowett
Man
He
Funny
" I get a stack of scripts, like, once a month, and most of the time, you find these placeholder girls that are there to provide a bounce for the male character. So we know he's funny because she's serious and she's mad at him. We know he's strong because she needs saving. So really, her job is to validate this personality trait of our hero or male. "
Amber Heard
Time
Character
Funny
" I read a funny story about how the Republicans freed the slaves. The Republicans are the ones who created slavery by law in the 1600's. Abraham Lincoln freed the slaves and he was not a Republican. "
Marion Barry
Funny
Republican
Slavery
" No man has a good enough memory to be a successful liar. "
Abraham Lincoln
Memory
Enough
Funny
" I'm like old wine. They don't bring me out very often - but I'm well preserved. "
Rose Kennedy
Old
Funny
Me
" I love deadlines. I like the whooshing sound they make as they fly by. "
Douglas Adams
Like
Love
Sound
" Filming is a funny combination of having a good time and not being able to wait until it's over. "
Nicole Holofcener
Time
Funny
Having A Good Time
" Communism is like one big phone company. "
Lenny Bruce
Company
Like
Funny
" If I had to live my life again, I'd make the same mistakes, only sooner. "
Tallulah Bankhead
Mistakes
Funny
Life
" It's hard to be funny when you have to be clean. "
Mae West
Funny
Hard
You
" I would never die for my beliefs because I might be wrong. "
Bertrand Russell
Never
Because
Die
" I was so naive as a kid I used to sneak behind the barn and do nothing. "
Johnny Carson
Funny
Kid
Used
" All these jokes have been pre-approved as funny by me. "
Mitch Hedberg
Me
Funny
Jokes
" Don't talk about yourself; it will be done when you leave. "
Wilson Mizner
Talk
Done
Yourself
" I wouldn't totally rule out doing Letterman or the Tonight Show if I had a set that I just happened to write that I thought was funny but was still appropriate for network censors. But I'm not going to go out of my way. "
Joe Rogan
Doing
Way
Thought
" Include me out. "
Samuel Goldwyn
Out
Me
Include
" Me carrying a briefcase is like a hotdog wearing earrings. "
Sparky Anderson
Me
Like
Funny
" I had no desire to get up onstage and tell jokes. I prefer to stand next to really funny people. "
Jon Hamm
Up
Desire
Funny
" It has yet to be proven that intelligence has any survival value. "
Arthur C. Clarke
Intelligence
Funny
Survival
" Why do they call it rush hour when nothing moves? "
Robin Williams
Call
Funny
Moves
" I don't feel that I'm explaining the world or teaching people anything. And I'm not trying to be a mirror, showing them what's really going on the world. All I'm trying to do is think of stuff that's funny, just like when I'm kidding around with my friends. "
Steven Wright
Mirror
Funny
Think
" I like long walks, especially when they are taken by people who annoy me. "
Fred Allen
People
Like
Long
" Being a stand-up is my mission in life; it's my passion. My ongoing goal is to simply be funny, on my own, in front of a roomful of strangers. "
Jerry Seinfeld
Passion
Funny
Life
" I've never been married, but I tell people I'm divorced so they won't think something is wrong with me. "
Elayne Boosler
Think
People
Funny
" That's my main flaw: I always think authority figures or my boss is going to think something I do is funny. And usually they don't. "
Jimmy Kimmel
Boss
Always
Think
" I'm quite sarcastic, and I'm funny, but not kind of funny. It's a weird funny, and some people don't get me, and some people do. "
Millie Bobby Brown
Me
Weird
Some People
" They're great girls. They're very funny, they're very smart, they're fun to be with. They're very lively, as I think people can tell. And you know, they're very confident girls. "
Laura Bush
Fun
Great
People
" Forty for you, sixty for me. And equal partners we will be. "
Joan Rivers
Me
Funny
Forty