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" Between two evils, I always pick the one I never tried before. "
Mae West
Funny
Tried
Before
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" I didn't understand key signatures or anything, you know. I'd say silly things at the top of a trumpet part like, 'Note, when you play B naturals, make the B naturals a half step lower because they sound funny if they're B naturals.' And some guy said: 'Idiot, just put a flat on the third line and it's a key signature, you know?' "
Quincy Jones
Step
You
Play
" For people who have done comedy after a certain point in time, I think there's a base level of, 'O.K., I think I'm decently funny.' But unless you just have some massive ego, I really think you're still fighting against that. "
Will Ferrell
Funny
People
Think
" Every time I do something silly, it comes off really funny because it's natural. "
Shaquille O'Neal
Time
Funny
Silly
" Every man has his follies - and often they are the most interesting thing he has got. "
Josh Billings
Man
Most
Interesting
" If I studied all my life, I couldn't think up half the number of funny things passed in one session of congress. "
Will Rogers
My Life
Think
Funny
" I've always wanted to go to Switzerland to see what the army does with those wee red knives. "
Billy Connolly
Army
See
Always
" The four building blocks of the universe are fire, water, gravel and vinyl. "
Dave Barry
Building
Water
Universe
" The superfluous, a very necessary thing. "
Voltaire
Funny
Very
Necessary
" I've always found it easier to be funny than to be serious. "
Molly Ivins
Always
Than
Serious
" She was a handsome woman of forty-five and would remain so for many years. "
J. B. Priestley
Many
Handsome
Funny
" What was funny if you were there is that we were all immensely sophisticated people who knew exactly what she was going to say and we're chatting away, nice to see you. "
Anthony Holden
Nice
You
She
" It's funny what memory does, isn't it? My favorite holiday tradition might not have happened more than once or twice. But because it is such a good memory, so encapsulating of everything I love about the holidays, in my mind it happened every year. Without fail. "
Molly O'Keefe
Good
Love
Funny
" Don't marry a man to reform him - that's what reform schools are for. "
Mae West
Marry
Him
Schools
" And at the time, it is funny how you can look at something and say, for example with my shoulder injury, when it first happened I said this is the worst thing that could happen to me. Why me, why now? Now I look back and say it was probably the best thing that happened to me. "
Drew Brees
Me
Best
Look
" When it comes down to it, glam rock was all very amusing. At the time, it was funny, then a few years later it became sort of serious-looking and a bit foreboding. "
David Bowie
Time
Down
Funny
" I believe that it's better to be looked over than it is to be overlooked. "
Mae West
I Believe
Than
Better
" I'm funny. I'm a comedian. I'm not a clown. "
Bernie Mac
Comedian
Funny
Clown
" It's funny, because what happens to me when I read a script, when something grabs hold of me, I start getting these flashes of people or places or things or images. "
Johnny Depp
Things
Places
Me
" Mariah is a beautiful and talented person, and I've had a crush on her for as long as I can remember. Every day, my respect for Mariah continues to grow higher. She's a caring, warm and funny person. People have no idea how funny she is! I feel like I've always known she was my forever love. "
Nick Cannon
Funny
Love
Day
" My mother was a nurse, and in her era, most diseases weren't understood; people put mustard plasters on knees and rubbed camphor on your chest if you had a cough and did funny things to you if you had tuberculosis - all these things that really made very little difference once proper treatments were brought in. "
Barry Marshall
Difference
Funny
You
" Anything worth doing is worth doing slowly. "
Mae West
Doing
Anything
Slowly
" There's something very authentic about humor, when you think about it. Anybody can pretend to be serious. But you can't pretend to be funny. "
Billy Collins
Humor
About
Serious
" It has yet to be proven that intelligence has any survival value. "
Arthur C. Clarke
Intelligence
Funny
Survival
" I would never die for my beliefs because I might be wrong. "
Bertrand Russell
Never
Because
Die
" Who included me among the ranks of the human race? "
Joseph Brodsky
Who
Human
Race
" I started writing when I was 9 years old. I was like this weird kid who would just stay in my room, typing little funny magazines and drawing comic strips. "
R. L. Stine
Old
Weird
Writing
" Anyone who says he can see through women is missing a lot. "
Groucho Marx
Who
Women
Missing
" Everyone who has ever met me for at least five minutes knows I'm a really funny person. I love to laugh and to make people laugh, so writing comedy comes naturally to me. "
Simone Elkeles
Love
Me
People
" When God sneezed, I didn't know what to say. "
Henny Youngman
Funny
Say
God
" The funny thing about directing is that you have your own opinions, but it's a collaboration. Directing is a group effort. Even though you might think something works, the smartest thing you can do as a director is try and weigh the opinions of the people around you. "
Chris Evans
People
Funny
Effort