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" It takes many years to be a great comedian. "

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" Everything I've ever done in my whole career, people might not know, I've never written anything down on paper. "

" If I were to insult people and mean it, that wouldn't be funny. "

" You've got to be able to sell yourself. "

" My wife came into my life, and my mother still wanted to be the boss. "

" Well, I call myself an actor. I always wanted to be one. "

" Italians are fantastic people, really. They can work you over in an alley while singing an opera. "

" In the 45 years I've worked in casinos, I dreamed of being honored by an organization like the American Gaming Association, especially since I don't even have a hunting license. "

" Compared to what comics say today, I'm a monk, but in those days, it was unheard of to make fun of people like I did. Of course, they exaggerated how outrageous I really was. "

" The highlight of my career was being at the inaugural gala of Ronald Reagan, and I owe that to Mr. Sinatra. "

" Frank Sinatra. Hey, Frank, I saw you in 'The Pride and Passion,' and I want to tell you the cannon was wonderful! "

" Most people think the character I do onstage is the way I am offstage, but I'm just a regular guy who spends time with his family and who turns on the television and watches a lot of sports. "

" I don't like to compare myself with anybody. "

" When I got out of high school, I wanted to be an actor but was getting a lot of rejections. I was getting rejected by life. My mother, God rest her soul, told me not to quit. "

" I never went out looking for glory. "

" I still have drive, but everything is relative. "

" When you do comedy, you can't please the world, although I'd like to think that most of my audiences were on my side. "

" When I was a younger guy doing comedy, it was a big struggle. Promoters canceled me out of clubs left and right when I called somebody a dummy or a yo-yo. Then they realized I was different. "

" The man I adored, and miss him terribly, was Johnny Carson. "

" Why should I retire? I'm like a fighter. The bell rings, and you come out and fight. "

" Smartphones. Who cares? Smartphones. I only have dummy phones. "

" Ninety percent of the people who come to see me are my fans. "

" I was always the guy who made jokes and ribbed people at parties. After I went to the American Academy of Dramatic Arts I got sidetracked into clubs and started doing comedy. "

" You can't study comedy; it's within you. It's a personality. My humor is an attitude. "

" I don't drink much anymore, but when I traveled with Frank Sinatra, God rest his soul, I used to drink like I could do it. He made it a test. In Vegas, the Rat Pack, which I was a little part of, drank all night and slept most of the day. Then, about 5 o'clock, we'd meet in the hotel steam room, lock the door, and steam our brains out. "

" Once in a while, when I'm alone, I think about my age. I think, 'How many more years do I have on this earth?' But I can't really conceive of dying. "

" I've never gone to comedy clubs. "

" Alan King, a comedian I adored, was considered society, and I was considered the Jewish kid from the neighborhood. "

" I have a problem, if the light goes on on TV and it blinks midnight, I don't know how to fix it. "