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" I've never been an intellectual but I have this look. "
Woody Allen
Look
Never
Been
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" I'm not afraid to die, I just don't want to be there when it happens. "
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Want
Death
Die
" In Beverly Hills... they don't throw their garbage away. They make it into television shows. "
Woody Allen
Beverly Hills
Garbage
Television
" I don't want to achieve immortality through my work. I want to achieve it through not dying. "
Woody Allen
Want
Achieve
Work
" I don't believe in the after life, although I am bringing a change of underwear. "
Woody Allen
I Am
Change
Funny
" Who bothers to cook TV dinners? I suck them frozen. "
Woody Allen
TV
Them
Suck
" Not only is there no God, but try finding a plumber on Sunday. "
Woody Allen
Try
Finding
God
" His lack of education is more than compensated for by his keenly developed moral bankruptcy. "
Woody Allen
Bankruptcy
Lack
Moral
" Marriage is the death of hope. "
Woody Allen
Marriage
Death
Hope
" Organized crime in America takes in over forty billion dollars a year and spends very little on office supplies. "
Woody Allen
Office
America
Forty
" Some guy hit my fender, and I told him, 'Be fruitful and multiply,' but not in those words. "
Woody Allen
Guy
Hit
Some
" I took a speed-reading course and read War and Peace in twenty minutes. It involves Russia. "
Woody Allen
Peace
War
Twenty
" I don't think my parents liked me. They put a live teddy bear in my crib. "
Woody Allen
Live
Me
Parents
" I was nauseous and tingly all over. I was either in love or I had smallpox. "
Woody Allen
Had
Love
Over
" Why are our days numbered and not, say, lettered? "
Woody Allen
Numbered
Days
Why
" I'm such a good lover because I practice a lot on my own. "
Woody Allen
Own
Because
Good
" I am not afraid of death, I just don't want to be there when it happens. "
Woody Allen
I Am
Happens
Death
" If you're not failing every now and again, it's a sign you're not doing anything very innovative. "
Woody Allen
Now
Sign
Again
" It seemed the world was divided into good and bad people. The good ones slept better while the bad ones seemed to enjoy the waking hours much more. "
Woody Allen
Enjoy
People
World
" Comedy just pokes at problems, rarely confronts them squarely. Drama is like a plate of meat and potatoes, comedy is rather the dessert, a bit like meringue. "
Woody Allen
Dessert
Drama
Meat
" If my films make one more person miserable, I'll feel I have done my job. "
Woody Allen
Person
Movies
More
" The food here is terrible, and the portions are too small. "
Woody Allen
Here
Too
Food
" As the poet said, 'Only God can make a tree,' probably because it's so hard to figure out how to get the bark on. "
Woody Allen
Said
Hard
Nature
" Right now it's only a notion, but I think I can get the money to make it into a concept, and later turn it into an idea. "
Woody Allen
Money
Turn
Think
" Life is divided into the horrible and the miserable. "
Woody Allen
Horrible
Divided
Life
" I believe there is something out there watching us. Unfortunately, it's the government. "
Woody Allen
I Believe
Watching
Believe
" Life doesn't imitate art, it imitates bad television. "
Woody Allen
Television
Life
Art
" I am thankful for laughter, except when milk comes out of my nose. "
Woody Allen
I Am
Milk
Nose
" I had a terrible education. I attended a school for emotionally disturbed teachers. "
Woody Allen
Education
Teacher
Teachers
" Dying is one of the few things that can be done as easily lying down. "
Woody Allen
Done
Few
Lying
" I ran into Isosceles. He had a great idea for a new triangle! "
Woody Allen
Triangle
Had
Great