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" Life is divided into the horrible and the miserable. "
Woody Allen
Horrible
Divided
Life
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" If only God would give me some clear sign! Like making a large deposit in my name at a Swiss bank. "
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" Dying is one of the few things that can be done as easily lying down. "
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" There are worse things in life than death. Have you ever spent an evening with an insurance salesman? "
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" I've never been an intellectual but I have this look. "
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" He was so depressed, he tried to commit suicide by inhaling next to an Armenian. "
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" Basically my wife was immature. I'd be at home in the bath and she'd come in and sink my boats. "
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" Eternal nothingness is fine if you happen to be dressed for it. "
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" I have bad reflexes. I was once run over by a car being pushed by two guys. "
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" I'm very proud of my gold pocket watch. My grandfather, on his deathbed, sold me this watch. "
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" I believe there is something out there watching us. Unfortunately, it's the government. "
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