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" What a wee little part of a person's life are his acts and his words! His real life is led in his head, and is known to none but himself. "

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" We Americans... bear the ark of liberties of the world. "

" Cauliflower is nothing but cabbage with a college education. "

College Education

" Noise proves nothing. Often a hen who has merely laid an egg cackles as if she laid an asteroid. "

" Laws control the lesser man... Right conduct controls the greater one. "

" Forgiveness is the fragrance that the violet sheds on the heel that has crushed it. "

" Apparently there is nothing that cannot happen today. "

" Never pick a fight with people who buy ink by the barrel. "

" There are times when one would like to hang the whole human race, and finish the farce. "

" Soap and education are not as sudden as a massacre, but they are more deadly in the long run. "

" Let us endeavor so to live so that when we come to die even the undertaker will be sorry. "

" Whenever you find yourself on the side of the majority, it is time to pause and reflect. "

" The Christian's Bible is a drug store. Its contents remain the same, but the medical practice changes. "

" Nothing so needs reforming as other people's habits. "

" I was seldom able to see an opportunity until it had ceased to be one. "

" Wrinkles should merely indicate where smiles have been. "

" The man who is a pessimist before 48 knows too much; if he is an optimist after it, he knows too little. "

" Anger is an acid that can do more harm to the vessel in which it is stored than to anything on which it is poured. "

" The first of April is the day we remember what we are the other 364 days of the year. "

" Necessity is the mother of taking chances. "

" We are all alike, on the inside. "

" A man cannot be comfortable without his own approval. "

" Good breeding consists in concealing how much we think of ourselves and how little we think of the other person. "

" Life would be infinitely happier if we could only be born at the age of eighty and gradually approach eighteen. "

" She was not quite what you would call refined. She was not quite what you would call unrefined. She was the kind of person that keeps a parrot. "

" In the Spring, I have counted 136 different kinds of weather inside of 24 hours. "

" Suppose you were an idiot, and suppose you were a member of Congress; but I repeat myself. "

" Don't say the old lady screamed. Bring her on and let her scream. "

" The very ink with which history is written is merely fluid prejudice. "

" Drag your thoughts away from your troubles... by the ears, by the heels, or any other way you can manage it. "

" Be careless in your dress if you must, but keep a tidy soul. "