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" I'm for whatever gets you through the night. "

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" If I feel you're funny, I want to work with you. "

Danielle Schneider

" I like long walks, especially when they are taken by people who annoy me. "

" If you're going to tell people the truth, be funny or they'll kill you. "

" I think anyone who has, you know, is in any sort of artistic pursuit, kind of goes up and down with the way they feel about their work. And I, for the most part, am pretty happy person. But, yeah. I go through definite periods of time where I'm not funny. I'm not good. I'm - I don't feel original. "

" When you are courting a nice girl an hour seems like a second. When you sit on a red-hot cinder a second seems like an hour. That's relativity. "

Albert Einstein

" People use the guise of art, and artistic expression, to do all kinds of hateful things. It's like Trump and everybody else using the guise of humor to say hateful things, the excuse being, 'I was just being funny.' "

" It's always funny until someone gets hurt. Then it's just hilarious. "

" Weather forecast for tonight: dark. "

" For people who have done comedy after a certain point in time, I think there's a base level of, 'O.K., I think I'm decently funny.' But unless you just have some massive ego, I really think you're still fighting against that. "

" Phil Hartman was brilliant, and Dave Foley is a really funny guy. Phil Hartman was actually even funnier offstage than he was onstage because he would say nasty things. Dave Foley's very funny, very witty guy, very quick. "

" My uncle Sammy was an angry man. He had printed on his tombstone: What are you looking at? "

" I was sleeping the other night, alone, thanks to the exterminator. "

" I think since I was kid people told me that they thought I was funny. "

" It's funny: your happiness is contingent on a bigger picture besides just yourself. "

" If you haven't got anything nice to say about anybody, come sit next to me. "

Alice Roosevelt Longworth

" There's a darkness under 'The Hangover' because ultimately there's a missing person and it's not really that funny. There's a sort of darkness under it that I love, and still people are laughing as hard if not harder than they did in 'Old School.' "

" A committee is a group that keeps minutes and loses hours. "

" Reality continues to ruin my life. "

" When you're in love it's the most glorious two and a half days of your life. "

" Defy your own group. Rebel against yourself. "

Cathy Guisewite

" Every man has a sane spot somewhere. "

Robert Louis Stevenson

" Funny you mention my dinner parties when I have just suggested that inviting close friends over to share a meal with candlelight and wine at your table could be a form of religious experience for some people. To me it's a form of sacrament. "

" I don't deserve this award, but I have arthritis and I don't deserve that either. "

" I have had a perfectly wonderful evening, but this wasn't it. "

" It's so funny how social media was just this fun thing, and now it's this monster that consumes so many millennial lives. "

" What is scary to me is silly to somebody else. CG isn't scary to me. It's like comedy - comedy and horror are quite similar, in that there'll always be somebody who'll say, 'I don't think that was funny.' And it's the same with things that are meant to be scary. "

Guillermo del Toro

" Every time I see an adult on a bicycle, I no longer despair for the future of the human race. "

" I like doing comedy, I like doing drama. Naturally I like to do, I like doing dramas, I like conflict, and when I do a comedy, you know, I've found that, like, romantic comedy is the trickiest one, because often it's neither: it's not romantic and it's not funny. So, like, I like a comedy that's biting. It's biting humor or really quirky humor. "

" Instant gratification takes too long. "

" I'm very, very amateur, which is funny because I'm not in the amateur leagues. "