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" A child of five would understand this. Send someone to fetch a child of five. "
" I detest jokes - when somebody tells me one, I feel my IQ dropping; the brain cells start to disappear. But something is funny when the person delivering the line doesn't know it's funny or doesn't treat it as a joke. Maybe it comes from a place of truth, or it's a sort of rage against society. "
" Frisbeetarianism is the belief that when you die, your soul goes up on the roof and gets stuck. "
" All right everyone, line up alphabetically according to your height. "
" I'm going to take this God-given gift of being funny, and I'm going to spread it out like peanut butter on everything I do. "
" It's obviously funny to be a meme, so I could be down with it in that regard, but it also belittles one's art. "
" I'm thankful for the three ounce Ziploc bag, so that I have somewhere to put my savings. "
" I direct with energy. I believe in energy. I think energy is an electric thing in actors. I try to inspire, encourage, and make choices with lots of energy. And truth. I'm big fan of truth and being funny. I like leading 50 people into battle every day. "
" Those are my principles, and if you don't like them... well, I have others. "
" No man goes before his time - unless the boss leaves early. "
" It's funny: I was a photographer before I was a programmer. "
" A James Cagney love scene is one where he lets the other guy live. "
" We owe a lot to Thomas Edison - if it wasn't for him, we'd be watching television by candlelight. "
" Being funny with a funny voice is more my comfort zone, a broader character that I try to humanize, a kind of silly or wacky persona that I try to fill in. "
" I think that certain things are funny and certain things are okay to make fun of - including myself. "
" I want my children to have all the things I couldn't afford. Then I want to move in with them. "
" Progress was all right. Only it went on too long. "
" If I were two-faced, would I be wearing this one? "
" The reward of energy, enterprise and thrift is taxes. "
" Every girls' night needs a funny movie and a good conversation about guys! My friends and I also love picking outfits out for each other to try on at slumber parties. It's so fun. "
" If you could kick the person in the pants responsible for most of your trouble, you wouldn't sit for a month. "
" James Caan told me at the end of filming 'Elf' that he had been waiting through the whole film for me to be funny - and I never was. "
" I'm fascinated with the stories that we tell. Real histories become fantasies and fairy tales, morality tales and fables. There's something interesting and funny and perverse about the way fairytale sometimes passes for history, for truth. "
" I think they should have a Barbie with a buzz cut. "
" Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it everywhere, diagnosing it incorrectly and applying the wrong remedies. "
" I saw a woman wearing a sweatshirt with Guess on it. I said, Thyroid problem? "
" My fake plants died because I did not pretend to water them. "
" I have a new philosophy. I'm only going to dread one day at a time. "
Charles M. Schulz
" Maori get pigeonholed into the idea they're spiritual and telling stories like 'Whale Rider' and 'Once Were Warriors,' quite serious stuff, but we're pretty funny people, and we never really have had an opportunity to show that side of ourselves, the clumsy, nerdy side of ourselves, which is something I am. "
" If I held you any closer I would be on the other side of you. "
" It's hard to be funny when you have to be clean. "