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" Most things I get hired on, I get hired because I improvise something funny, or they just think I look weird. "

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" I feel like I've forcefully been thrust into the tech world, and I've enjoyed every minute of it. "

" You just put yourself into your work, and you can do anything you want, depending on how hard you want to work for it. "

" Comedy gives you a shot of euphoria that distracts you from everything that's awful. "

" I can't stand Snapchat, but that will be extinct before it is relevant. "

" My father really told me, seriously, if you want something, you can have it, but you may have to work harder than anyone else around you. "

" I care less about selling tickets and getting Twitter followers than I do about making as many people laugh as I can. I'd rather make people laugh than make them know who T.J. Miller is. "

" Mike Judge is my Jonathan Swift, and I say that because I don't know any other satirists. But the problem with satire is that it's so easily misinterpreted. "

" Funny is as funny does, and funny puts on a walrus mask and slowly gyrates in a mall food court. I laugh at absurdity hardest, then stories, then observations, then bearded men on roller skates. "

" There's nothing I would love more than to host an awards show where I'm nominated for an award - that is so funny to me. "

" It doesn't matter to me if I'm in love with my performance, so I watch all of my performances to understand and learn from them and figure out what's working and what's not. And I see the movies that I'm in in the theater a lot. "

" I'm always so amazed by which performances work really, really well and which ones don't. But I think it's just mostly, 'She's Out Of My League,' so many people saw that movie on DVD and on the plane. Just millions of people saw that movie. That's the reason I'm somewhat famous. "

" It's much better to wreak havoc on a show and be a maniac than promote myself. Plugs and anecdotes aren't really in line with my beliefs. Besides, if someone sees me on a morning show and thinks, 'That's not funny; this guy is crazy,' then I don't want them to come to the show anyway. "

" I was the Head Boy of East High School in 1999. I represent 303 - the area code, not the band - Mile High, until I die. I'm 31, a comedian; I juggle, but I don't glove it. I think waxed mustaches run a very thin line between hipster and 1800s barkeep. "

" We're not a nation divided: we're a nation broken, and anything broken can be fixed. "

" Mucinex were like, 'Would you like to be the Mucinex man? You sound like you're sick right now'. In each spot, they give me a little bit of room to do something strange. And in a world of fractured mediums, where there is no zeitgeist, and you get your comedy from your phone, it's all content. "

" It is good to connect to someone who reminds you that you have some real authenticity. "

" I don't really know how to act that much. I'm quite good at comedy, but it's mostly acting naturally. "

" To become the best comedian, I must be well-rounded. "

" Stuff that I write isn't as similar to the stuff that I'm in, but I don't really care. I just do comedy. "

" I don't believe in alcohol. It's a sort of a medicinal necessity for the human condition, none of that stuff. I'm not a gambling man. "

" I don't sit and write stand-up material; I come up with an idea onstage. "

" I consider everybody who takes themselves seriously to be a little bit off. And Silicon Valley seems to be the most effusive about how important their contributions are to society. "

" I do like the idea of being an auteur in the sense of writing and being in your own stuff. "

" I consider myself a fairly ethical individual while I do have a lot of dichotomies within me. We're all victims of our own hypocrisy at times. "

" It's always fun to agree to be in a movie when you have no idea what it's actually going to be! "

" I love Denver. "

" Hosting is a thankless job. "

" There's sketch, improv, writing, acting, music, and badminton. Those are the seven forms of comedy. But I do like the idea of being an auteur in the sense of writing and being in your own stuff. "

" I actually prefer Twitter as a medium, and I also got into Periscope for a second, but I'm still trying to figure out what to do with it. I can't figure out if the only important thing about it is the live broadcast, or if it's an interesting kind of way to log what you do. "

" I told the Mucinex people, 'You picked me because I always sound sick'. They were like, 'Well, it doesn't hurt'. "