Get QuoteDark Inspirational Quotes App

" People shop for a bathing suit with more care than they do a husband or wife. The rules are the same. Look for something you'll feel comfortable wearing. Allow for room to grow. "

Related Quotes:

" When your mother asks, 'Do you want a piece of advice?' it is a mere formality. It doesn't matter if you answer yes or no. You're going to get it anyway. "

Erma Bombeck

You

Want

Mother

" My kids always perceived the bathroom as a place where you wait it out until all the groceries are unloaded from the car. "

" There's nothing sadder in this world than to awake Christmas morning and not be a child. "

" I have a theory about the human mind. A brain is a lot like a computer. It will only take so many facts, and then it will go on overload and blow up. "

" It takes a lot of courage to show your dreams to someone else. "

" My second favorite household chore is ironing. My first being hitting my head on the top bunk bed until I faint. "

" If you can't make it better, you can laugh at it. "

" Onion rings in the car cushions do not improve with time. "

" Before you try to keep up with the Joneses, be sure they're not trying to keep up with you. "

Erma Bombeck

Try

Keep

" I come from a family where gravy is considered a beverage. "

" If a man watches three football games in a row, he should be declared legally dead. "

" A friend will tell you she saw your old boyfriend - and he's a priest. "

" Who in their infinite wisdom decreed that Little League uniforms be white? Certainly not a mother. "

" I never leaf through a copy of National Geographic without realizing how lucky we are to live in a society where it is traditional to wear clothes. "

" Never have more children than you have car windows. "

" Sometimes I can't figure designers out. It's as if they flunked human anatomy. "

" Guilt: the gift that keeps on giving. "

" Never order food in excess of your body weight. "

" Like religion, politics, and family planning, cereal is not a topic to be brought up in public. It's too controversial. "

Erma Bombeck

Food

Politics

" The only reason I would take up jogging is so that I could hear heavy breathing again. "

" In general my children refuse to eat anything that hasn't danced in television. "

" Housework, if you do it right, will kill you. "

" Dreams have only one owner at a time. That's why dreamers are lonely. "

" Never go to your high school reunion pregnant or they will think that is all you have done since you graduated. "

" I was terrible at straight items. When I wrote obituaries, my mother said the only thing I ever got them to do was die in alphabetical order. "

" Why would anyone steal a shopping cart? It's like stealing a two-year-old. "

Erma Bombeck

Why

Shopping

" I take a very practical view of raising children. I put a sign in each of their rooms: 'Checkout Time is 18 years.' "

" Never lend your car to anyone to whom you have given birth. "

" There's something wrong with a mother who washes out a measuring cup with soap and water after she's only measured water in it. "

" Car designers are just going to have to come up with an automobile that outlasts the payments. "

Erma Bombeck

Just

Going