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" Students don't know who Mark Twain was because he wasn't on the test. "
Kinky Friedman
Because
Test
Students
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" You have to pretend that your life is a financial pleasure even when your autographs are bouncing. "
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" If Willie Nelson had been Rosa Parks, there never would have been a civil rights movement in this country, because he refuses to leave the back of the bus. "
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" I see an issue I like, and I support it. "
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" You struggle with your demons and you conquer them. "
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" I admit I was drinking a Guinness... but I did not swallow. "
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" A happy childhood... is the worst possible preparation for life. "
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" Remember: Y'all is singular. All y'all is plural. All y'all's is plural possessive. "
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" I never apologize for the truth. And the truth here is that racists come in many different colors. "
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" If you ain't Texan, I ain't got time for you. "
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" Politics is the only field in which the more experience you have, the worse you get. "
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" We've got to clear some of the room out of the prisons so we can put the bad guys in there, like the pedophiles and the politicians. "
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" I support gay marriage. I believe they have a right to be as miserable as the rest of us. "
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" I admit to drinking it, but I did not swallow. "
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Swallow
Admit
" I don't apologize to people who try to intimidate. "
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People
" We've had to be creative to get on the ballot. "
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" I even went so far as to become a Southern Baptist for a while, until I realized that they didn't hold 'em under long enough. "
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Even
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" May the God of your choice bless and keep you. I respect Him as long as He does not circumcise me anymore. "
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You
" The only currency I value is the coin of the spirit. That's very important in my life. "
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Important
Value
My Life
" I just want Texas to be number one in something other than executions, toll roads and property taxes. "
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Texas
Roads
" When I'm governor... I'll be the first governor with a listed telephone number. "
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Telephone
Number
" I'll sign anything except bad legislation. "
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Legislation
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" I have a better head of hair than Rick Perry; it's just not in a place I can show you. "
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" I'm too young for Medicare and too old for women to care. "
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" Musicians can run this state better than politicians. We won't get a lot done in the mornings, but we'll work late and be honest. "
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" The Democrats and Republicans are the same guy admiring themself in the mirror. "
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Same
Admiring
Mirror
" William Bennett is my patron saint, one of them. Redd Foxx is another. "
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William
Saint
Patron
" Yes, I'm a Judeo-Christian. Jesus and Moses are in my heart, and... both of them were independents, by the way. "
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Independents
Yes
Heart
" And I think musicians can better run this state than politicians. And, hell, beauticians can better run the state than politicians. "
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Better
Run
Musicians
" These days, there are many people around the world who listen to the songs that made me infamous and read the books that made me respectable. "
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Listen
People
Days