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" If you ain't Texan, I ain't got time for you. "
Kinky Friedman
You
Texan
Time
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" May the God of your choice bless and keep you. I respect Him as long as He does not circumcise me anymore. "
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Respect
Me
You
" We've got to clear some of the room out of the prisons so we can put the bad guys in there, like the pedophiles and the politicians. "
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Got
Prisons
Politicians
" The Democrats and Republicans are the same guy admiring themself in the mirror. "
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Same
Admiring
Mirror
" I see an issue I like, and I support it. "
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Issue
I See
Support
" I even went so far as to become a Southern Baptist for a while, until I realized that they didn't hold 'em under long enough. "
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Far
Even
Become
" William Bennett is my patron saint, one of them. Redd Foxx is another. "
Kinky Friedman
William
Saint
Patron
" The folks in Mississippi are saying, 'Thank God for Texas.' "
Kinky Friedman
God
Thank God
Thank
" We've had to be creative to get on the ballot. "
Kinky Friedman
Ballot
Get
Had
" We're first on executions. We're 49th in funding public education. We're in a race with Mississippi for the bottom, and we're winning. "
Kinky Friedman
First
Race
Winning
" If Willie Nelson had been Rosa Parks, there never would have been a civil rights movement in this country, because he refuses to leave the back of the bus. "
Kinky Friedman
Bus
Never
Leave
" I don't apologize to people who try to intimidate. "
Kinky Friedman
Who
Try
People
" I just want Texas to be number one in something other than executions, toll roads and property taxes. "
Kinky Friedman
Want
Texas
Roads
" We were a country band with a social conscience. "
Kinky Friedman
Country
Were
Social
" The first thing I'll do if elected is demand a recount. "
Kinky Friedman
Demand
Thing
Recount
" I never apologize for the truth. And the truth here is that racists come in many different colors. "
Kinky Friedman
Here
Truth
Colors
" I support gay marriage. I believe they have a right to be as miserable as the rest of us. "
Kinky Friedman
Gay
Support
Rest
" You have to pretend that your life is a financial pleasure even when your autographs are bouncing. "
Kinky Friedman
Financial
Life
Famous
" Students don't know who Mark Twain was because he wasn't on the test. "
Kinky Friedman
Because
Test
Students
" Money can buy you a fine dog, but only love can make him wag his tail. "
Kinky Friedman
You
Love
Him
" I've always said money may buy you a fine dog, but only love can make it wag its tail. "
Kinky Friedman
Love
Money
Said
" I have a better head of hair than Rick Perry; it's just not in a place I can show you. "
Kinky Friedman
Head
You
Place
" I'll tell you right now. I'm for prayer in school. "
Kinky Friedman
Right
Now
Prayer
" No, nothing has changed in my life at all, and nothing would change if I had millions. "
Kinky Friedman
Life
My Life
Nothing
" And I think musicians can better run this state than politicians. And, hell, beauticians can better run the state than politicians. "
Kinky Friedman
Better
Run
Musicians
" I admit I was drinking a Guinness... but I did not swallow. "
Kinky Friedman
Admit
Did
Swallow
" Yes, I'm a Judeo-Christian. Jesus and Moses are in my heart, and... both of them were independents, by the way. "
Kinky Friedman
Independents
Yes
Heart
" Well, I just said that Jesus and I were both Jewish and that neither of us ever had a job, we never had a home, we never married and we traveled around the countryside irritating people. "
Kinky Friedman
Job
Home
Traveled
" I don't remember the first half of my life. All I say is a happy childhood is the worst possible preparation for life. "
Kinky Friedman
Childhood
Life
Happy
" Young people are the key to this election. "
Kinky Friedman
People
Key
Election
" Politics is the only field in which the more experience you have, the worse you get. "
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You
Politics