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" I even went so far as to become a Southern Baptist for a while, until I realized that they didn't hold 'em under long enough. "

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" Well, I just said that Jesus and I were both Jewish and that neither of us ever had a job, we never had a home, we never married and we traveled around the countryside irritating people. "

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" How can you look at the Texas legislature and still believe in intelligent design? "

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" Musicians can run this state better than politicians. We won't get a lot done in the mornings, but we'll work late and be honest. "

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" I have a better head of hair than Rick Perry; it's just not in a place I can show you. "

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" And I think musicians can better run this state than politicians. And, hell, beauticians can better run the state than politicians. "