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" The funny thing about the people I don't like - they're very self-centered. "

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" It's funny the way most people love the dead. Once you are dead, you are made for life. "

" I was just a goofy little funny kid, who was always getting sent to the principal. It wasn't serious because I was smart. I wasn't like a true troublemaker, just rambunctious - like, talkative and trying to be funny. That was me in middle-school. "

" All the candy corn that was ever made was made in 1911. "

" They did that little thing on South Park, and they mentioned my name and had a character of me judging a Halloween contest. It was really funny. That made me the coolest aunt on earth. "

" I saw a stationery store move. "

" Censorship no longer works by hiding information from you; censorship works by flooding you with immense amounts of misinformation, of irrelevant information, of funny cat videos, until you're just unable to focus. "

Yuval Noah Harari

" We want to be funny. We want to make people laugh... We'll do whatever it takes. "

" After all is said and done, sit down. "

" I'm a pretty good drummer. I'm pretty good at guitar, bass and piano. I can play accordion; I'm not virtuoso. I've played cello before. My sister played it, and I know how to play it, but I'm not the best. Violin is kind of the same thing. "

" If you want to be thought a liar, always tell the truth. "

Logan Pearsall Smith

" I like making fun of myself a lot. I like being made fun of, too. I've always enjoyed it. There's just something really, really funny about someone tearing into me. "

" Stand up is really fun because if I think of a joke or a funny idea, then I can just go and tell some people and if they laugh, they laugh right away. "

" I'm blonde and tanned and normal-sized! I'm sweet, shy, funny, have a big heart and I'm nice - and I like to eat. "

" People naturally want to retweet and engage on super funny videos and memes. "

" It's funny: When I first heard they were thinking of me for the president in 'Independence Day,' I just assumed it was a comedy - I didn't exactly think of myself as leader-of-the-free-world material. "

" It's funny because I want my teeth to be, like, neon 'Real Housewives' white, but mine have stopped taking to teeth whitening. When I talk to my dentist, I'm like, 'They can be that white,' and he's like, 'Veneers can be that white.' "

Christine Teigen

" I would say just start writing. You've got to write every day. Copy someone that you like if you think that perhaps could become your sound, too. I did that with Hemingway, and I thought I was writing just like Hemingway. Then all of a sudden it occurred to me - he didn't have a sense of humor. I don't know anything he's written that's funny. "

" God did not intend religion to be an exercise club. "

" Some of the best bad guys in movies are funny and charming. "

" I get tired of comedies where there are a bunch of funny guys and a beautiful woman who doesn't do anything funny. And I don't like books where there's a rough-and-tumble boy and a really clever, snotty girl. That's just not my experience with teenagers. "

" A James Cagney love scene is one where he lets the other guy live. "

" I comment on my friends' things; whatever they post, I post funny posts. I don't post anything that's too sad or mad, or at least not for too long. And I'm usually just a happy person! Silly - people would describe me as silly and crazy and fun. "

" It's funny: people who meet me say, 'I thought you'd be different.' But I'm still the same guy. "

" The IRS! They're like the Mafia, they can take anything they want! "

" I don't care how handsome or fabulous or funny the groom is, or how sweet and accommodating the bride, or vice versa. Marriage is hard. "

" This suspense is terrible. I hope it will last. "

" Sometimes I think I'm funny. But then sometimes I see myself, and I think, 'There's somebody trying to be funny.' "

" I like surprising myself. I don't want to do the norm, do what I'm always known to do, write how I like to write. "

" There's always a bit of nerves that come with expectations and new situations. "

" Unless someone wants to look funny, I'll not recommend anyone to copy my bowling action. But on a serious note, with the confidence that I have got from the amount of runs I have been scoring, when I'm thrown the ball to bowl, I am pretty sure of what I have to do. I may not be the most attractive to watch while bowling, but I can be effective. "