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" I would say just start writing. You've got to write every day. Copy someone that you like if you think that perhaps could become your sound, too. I did that with Hemingway, and I thought I was writing just like Hemingway. Then all of a sudden it occurred to me - he didn't have a sense of humor. I don't know anything he's written that's funny. "

Elmore Leonard

Funny

Writing

" You know, you can touch a stick of dynamite, but if you touch a venomous snake it'll turn around and bite you and kill you so fast it's not even funny. "

" I once saw Dizzy Gillespie at a live show, and it made me want to go home immediately and start writing. "

Elmore Leonard

Want

Live

" I'm like, bursting. I should be working. I don't want to take a break. It's funny, on set, I don't have to go to the bathroom, I don't have anything wrong, I'm perfectly fine, so through-and-through. I'm not hungry. I'm literally not even in my own body. "

" The middle class is so funny, it's the class I know best, and it's the class where you find the most pretension, so that's what makes the middle classes so funny. "

" We're a phenomenally snobby society, and it's such a rich seam. The middle class is so funny: it's the class I know best, and it's the class where you find the most pretension, so that's what makes the middle classes so funny. "

" Do not let a flattering woman coax and wheedle you and deceive you; she is after your barn. "

" I no doubt deserved my enemies, but I don't believe I deserved my friends. "

" I want my children to have all the things I couldn't afford. Then I want to move in with them. "

" When you're in love it's the most glorious two and a half days of your life. "

" A lot of newspaper columns used to be written in a rat-a-tat-tat, fast-paced style - and they tended to be funny. They were a little relief from the grimmer, grayer parts of the newspaper, and one of the best people at doing this was Will Rogers. "

" Katy Perry still gets me every time. She's very funny in person! We met at the Teen Choice Awards and she pulled my cheeks apart and told me how cute I was. My life was literally flashing before my eyes! "

" When Jonathan Winters died, it was like, 'Oh, man!' I knew he was frail, but I always thought he was going to last longer. I knew him as being really funny, but at the same time, he had a dark side. "

" Working with Julie Andrews is like getting hit over the head with a valentine. "

" My one regret in life is that I am not someone else. "

Woody Allen

Funny

I Am

" How long was I in the army? Five foot eleven. "

" The men I idolized built their bodies and became somebody - like Sylvester Stallone and Arnold Schwarzenegger - and I thought, 'That can be me.' So I started working out. The funny thing is I didn't realize back then that I was having a defining moment. "

" I never thought of myself as like, a funny person. "

" Being a funny person does an awful lot of things to you. You feel that you mustn't get serious with people. They don't expect it from you, and they don't want to see it. You're not entitled to be serious, you're a clown. "

" I love Mickey Mouse more than any woman I have ever known. "

Walt Disney

Woman

Mickey Mouse

" I'd luv to kiss ya, but I just washed my hair. "

Bette Davis

Kiss

Washed

" I try to sign for as many kids as possible. Kids come first, and I'll always sign for a kid before an adult. It's funny, because I was never big into autographs as a kid. The only player who I ever wanted an autograph from was Dave Winfield. "

" Conversation would be vastly improved by the constant use of four simple words: I do not know. "

" People who think they know everything are a great annoyance to those of us who do. "

Isaac Asimov

Great

Think

" I had no desire to get up onstage and tell jokes. I prefer to stand next to really funny people. "

Jon Hamm

Desire

Funny

" I really love showing up at work at 10 A.M., trying to make it funny until 3 P.M., and then going home. It's like comedy bankers' hours. "

" When I was a kid, I never did funny things to get attention. I was never a funny person. I was never, like, 'Oh, wow. I could say this some day on stage.' "

" Be obscure clearly. "

" Memories are like mulligatawny soup in a cheap restaurant. It is best not to stir them. "

" Phil Hartman was brilliant, and Dave Foley is a really funny guy. Phil Hartman was actually even funnier offstage than he was onstage because he would say nasty things. Dave Foley's very funny, very witty guy, very quick. "