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" Don't say the old lady screamed. Bring her on and let her scream. "

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" There are times when one would like to hang the whole human race, and finish the farce. "

" Do the right thing. It will gratify some people and astonish the rest. "

Do The Right Thing

" When people do not respect us we are sharply offended; yet in his private heart no man much respects himself. "

" To refuse awards is another way of accepting them with more noise than is normal. "

" Humor is mankind's greatest blessing. "

" Training is everything. The peach was once a bitter almond; cauliflower is nothing but cabbage with a college education. "

" My mother had a great deal of trouble with me, but I think she enjoyed it. "

" When red-haired people are above a certain social grade their hair is auburn. "

" Truth is mighty and will prevail. There is nothing wrong with this, except that it ain't so. "

" Cauliflower is nothing but cabbage with a college education. "

College Education

" The fear of death follows from the fear of life. A man who lives fully is prepared to die at any time. "

" Part of the secret of a success in life is to eat what you like and let the food fight it out inside. "

" The human race is a race of cowards; and I am not only marching in that procession but carrying a banner. "

" The best way to cheer yourself up is to try to cheer somebody else up. "

" The lack of money is the root of all evil. "

" When your friends begin to flatter you on how young you look, it's a sure sign you're getting old. "

" If the world comes to an end, I want to be in Cincinnati. Everything comes there ten years later. "

" The very ink with which history is written is merely fluid prejudice. "

" Words are only painted fire; a look is the fire itself. "

" Everything has its limit - iron ore cannot be educated into gold. "

" I make it a rule never to smoke while I'm sleeping. "

" Lord save us all from old age and broken health and a hope tree that has lost the faculty of putting out blossoms. "

" All emotion is involuntary when genuine. "

" A man cannot be comfortable without his own approval. "

" When we remember we are all mad, the mysteries disappear and life stands explained. "

" The man who does not read good books has no advantage over the man who cannot read them. "

" Against the assault of laughter, nothing can stand. "

" It ain't those parts of the Bible that I can't understand that bother me, it is the parts that I do understand. "

" Kindness is the language which the deaf can hear and the blind can see. "

" Man was made at the end of the week's work, when God was tired. "