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" Don't let yesterday use up too much of today. "

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" The man with the best job in the country is the vice-president. All he has to do is get up every morning and say, 'How is the president?' "

" A difference of opinion is what makes horse racing and missionaries. "

" The time to save is now. When a dog gets a bone, he doesn't go out and make a down payment on a bigger bone. He buries the one he's got. "

" I'm not a real movie star. I've still got the same wife I started out with twenty-eight years ago. "

" I have a scheme for stopping war. It's this - no nation is allowed to enter a war till they have paid for the last one. "

" Now if there is one thing that we do worse than any other nation, it is try and manage somebody else's affairs. "

" There are three kinds of men. The one that learns by reading. The few who learn by observation. The rest of them have to pee on the electric fence for themselves. "

" This country has come to feel the same when Congress is in session as when the baby gets hold of a hammer. "

" An ignorant person is one who doesn't know what you have just found out. "

" I never expected to see the day when girls would get sunburned in the places they now do. "

" A fool and his money are soon elected. "

" Advertising is the art of convincing people to spend money they don't have for something they don't need. "

" It's easy being a humorist when you've got the whole government working for you. "

" The more you observe politics, the more you've got to admit that each party is worse than the other. "

" We can't all be heroes, because somebody has to sit on the curb and applaud when they go by. "

" About all I can say for the United States Senate is that it opens with a prayer and closes with an investigation. "

" Buy land. They ain't making any more of the stuff. "

" Do the best you can, and don't take life too serious. "

" America is becoming so educated that ignorance will be a novelty. I will belong to the select few. "

" Ancient Rome declined because it had a Senate, now what's going to happen to us with both a House and a Senate? "

" Be thankful we're not getting all the government we're paying for. "

" Our constitution protects aliens, drunks and U.S. Senators. "

" In Hollywood you can see things at night that are fast enough to be in the Olympics in the day time. "

" It's a good thing we don't get all the government we pay for. "

" Half our life is spent trying to find something to do with the time we have rushed through life trying to save. "

" There is no more independence in politics than there is in jail. "

" If I studied all my life, I couldn't think up half the number of funny things passed in one session of congress. "

" I read about eight newspapers in a day. When I'm in a town with only one newspaper, I read it eight times. "

" We don't seem to be able to check crime, so why not legalize it and then tax it out of business? "

" Even though you are on the right track - you will get run over if you just sit there. "