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" Why don't you get out of that wet coat and into a dry martini? "

Robert Benchley

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" Being funny with a funny voice is more my comfort zone, a broader character that I try to humanize, a kind of silly or wacky persona that I try to fill in. "

" Don't talk about yourself; it will be done when you leave. "

" Everyone has at least one story, and each of us is funny if we admit it. You have to admit you're the funniest person you've ever heard of. "

" I was eating in a Chinese restaurant downtown. There was a dish called Mother and Child Reunion. It's chicken and eggs. And I said, I gotta use that one. "

" Guilt: the gift that keeps on giving. "

" When I eventually met Mr. Right I had no idea that his first name was Always. "

" I don't have a bank account because I don't know my mother's maiden name. "

Paula Poundstone

" Movies don't look hard, but figuring it out, getting the shape of it, getting everybody's character right and having it be funny, make sense and be romantic, it's creating a puzzle. Yes, having been a writer for so long, I have an awareness of when things are going awry, but it doesn't mean I know how to fix them. "

" I think a lot of stuff I find funny is from day dreaming. "

" In a house where there are small children the bathroom soon takes on the appearance of the Old Curiosity Shop. "

Robert Benchley

" The human brain is a funny thing: it's very susceptible to tempo and melody. You put the right words to it, and it becomes very influential. "

" Some call-in moderators are neutral and courteous. Then there's Rush Limbaugh, who is funny and pompous and a scapegoater and hatemonger. His popularity could cause you to draw some terrible conclusions about the state of mind of the American people. It helps to remember that Bill Cosby is popular, too. "

Donella Meadows

" I am a marvelous housekeeper. Every time I leave a man I keep his house. "

" I think I knew I was funny in Elementary School. I think most funny people realize it when they're young. It tends to come out of stress or trauma - something that makes you want to be funny. "

" Say what you will about the ten commandments, you must always come back to the pleasant fact that there are only ten of them. "

" If something is shocking without being funny it's hard to justify. "

Seth MacFarlane

" Too much agreement kills a chat. "

Eldridge Cleaver

" Life can be dramatic and funny all in the same day. "

Jennifer Aniston

" I do most of my work sitting down; that's where I shine. "

Robert Benchley

" Sometimes I think I'm funny. But then sometimes I see myself, and I think, 'There's somebody trying to be funny.' "

" The fact is I'm choosy, but mainly about a man's character. He has to be interesting, funny and clever. I don't even mind if he's not very good-looking. "

" I'm funny on camera sometimes. In life, once in a while. Once in a while. "

" I am the shortest and least funny person in my family. "

Heather Donahue

" A dog teaches a boy fidelity, perseverance, and to turn around three times before lying down. "

Robert Benchley

" We're a phenomenally snobby society, and it's such a rich seam. The middle class is so funny: it's the class I know best, and it's the class where you find the most pretension, so that's what makes the middle classes so funny. "

" Two wrongs don't make a right, but they make a good excuse. "

" A lot of baby boomers are baby bongers. "

" I was so afraid to even read a paper in front of my classmates. It is very funny because at that point my teachers would never have believed that I could speak in front of an audience of over 2,000 people. "

" I detest jokes - when somebody tells me one, I feel my IQ dropping; the brain cells start to disappear. But something is funny when the person delivering the line doesn't know it's funny or doesn't treat it as a joke. Maybe it comes from a place of truth, or it's a sort of rage against society. "

" It's funny to be in rooms where you were originally referred to as 'The Shakespeare Guy' and to suddenly be in the position where you're 'The Blockbuster Guy.' That's a pretty unusual turnabout, I must say. "

Kenneth Branagh