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" Life can be dramatic and funny all in the same day. "

Jennifer Aniston

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" Everything that used to be a sin is now a disease. "

" I was born in very sorry circumstances. Both of my parents were very sorry. "

" I'm an unorthodox type of guy, a funny guy - at least I think I'm funny. And one of the things I like to do is come up with nicknames for myself. "

Shaquille O'Neal

" I guess when you turn off the main road, you have to be prepared to see some funny houses. "

" She was a handsome woman of forty-five and would remain so for many years. "

J. B. Priestley

" They say Yogi Berra is funny. Well, he has a lovely wife and family, a beautiful home, money in the bank, and he plays golf with millionaires. What's funny about that? "

" If you play it straight it's funny - the best comedy is always played straight down the middle. The adjustment is understanding from the screenplay that a moment is hilarious. "

" I have yet to hear a man ask for advice on how to combine marriage and a career. "

" Television has brought back murder into the home - where it belongs. "

Alfred Hitchcock

" I looked on my stomach and saw Frieda Rebecca, white as flour with the cream that covers new babies, funny little dark squiggles of hair plastered over her head, with big, dark-blue eyes. "

" I haven't spoken to my wife in years. I didn't want to interrupt her. "

Rodney Dangerfield

" Smoking kills. If you're killed, you've lost a very important part of your life. "

" A relationship isn't going to make me survive. It's the cherry on top. "

Jennifer Aniston

" It's so funny because I listen to songs that I recorded that I didn't really know anything about at the time. Later on I'm starting to feel the songs. Sing them first, feel them later. "

" My one regret in life is that I am not someone else. "

" So to me, Texas Hold 'em puts me to sleep. At least when you play stud, you can be funny as you deal. Somebody some day is going to come up with a Stud show that's going to work. "

" Being a humorist is not a voluntary thing. You can tell this because in a situation where saying a funny thing will cause a lot of trouble, a humorist will still say the funny thing. No matter how inappropriate. "

" I know my strong points: I work hard, I have talent, I'm funny, and I'm a good person. "

" To label me an intellectual is a misunderstanding of what that is. "

Misunderstanding

" Being funny is everything to me. "

" If you have doubts about someone, lay on a couple of jokes. If he doesn't find anything funny, your radar should be screaming. Then I would say be patient with people who are negative, because they're really having a hard time. "

" I'm fascinated with the stories that we tell. Real histories become fantasies and fairy tales, morality tales and fables. There's something interesting and funny and perverse about the way fairytale sometimes passes for history, for truth. "

" I love fools' experiments. I am always making them. "

" I knew I was an unwanted baby when I saw that my bath toys were a toaster and a radio. "

" Cleanliness becomes more important when godliness is unlikely. "

" 'Dirty Rotten Scoundrels' is a good one because it not only turned out, I think, to be a really funny movie but it was also a delight to shoot. We were in the South of France, working with Glenne Headly and Michael Caine and Frank Oz the director - who were just fun. "

" There's a misunderstanding about what nonsensical things are - the idea that they're just funny, and that's the beginning and the end of it. Nonsense is not 'not sense' - it operates at the edge of sense. It teems with sense - at the same time, it resists any kind of universal understanding. "

" Things that I feel really sad about, I talk about. That way, if it's funny, it doesn't hurt anymore. "

" Everybody talks about the weather, but nobody does anything about it. "

Charles Dudley Warner

" All you can do is really the prep work and make sure you're ready to hit each golf shot. Outside of that, you're not sure really what's going to happen. It's a funny game, but I think that's why I love it. You never know, one day to the next; you could go shoot 62, and the next day you're going to shoot 78, and you can't predict it. "