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" Will I obliterate national debt? Sure, why not? "

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" We have nothing to fear but fear itself... and, of course, the boogieman. "

" Should we continue to spend billions to subsidize foreign military dictatorships, or should we concentrate on taking better care of the one we have right here at home? "

" Only 10 percent of the people in the U.S. like dry wines. You shouldn't get down on people just because they like a little sugar. "

" All the problems we face in the United States today can be traced to an unenlightened immigration policy on the part of the American Indian. "

" I once told Tommy Smothers, 'If I could just get the money and the women straightened out, the rest of my life would be easy.' "

" Deep down, I happen to be very shallow. "

" I admit I do have some drawbacks and limitations as a candidate. Although I am a professional comedian, some of my critics maintain that this is not enough. I cannot deny that I stand before you untested and inexperienced - I only spent two years in television, never as a romantic lead or a song and dance man. "

" It's tough campaigning, kissing hands and shaking babies. "

" I like to pour my wines for people. I watch their eyes, I can see what they'll like. Most people say they don't like dry wine because they haven't had a dry wine that's clean and fruity, instead of a big, oaky thing. "

" People come up to me in bars and on street corners and they say to me, 'Hey, Paulsen, have you got any change?' "

" So I got into growing grapes, not realizing that there was a heck of a lot more to it than meets the eye. "

" Now that my wine has been served in the White House, why not me? Who could talk to farmers better than I? Somebody even asked me the other day if I had anything in my platform about taxes. 'Hell yes,' I said. 'Great state. But I wouldn't want to live there.' "

" I think we should just tip the government if it does a good job. Fifteen percent is the standard tip, isn't it? "

" If elected, I will win. "

" As I've always said: The future lies ahead. "

" I think I'd make a pretty good president, and they have a great pension plan. "

" I'd learned some things. I knew you weren't supposed to hold a good wine at the top - the paper bag falls off. "

" The Clinton Administration has turned out to be a boon. I knew that he would be wonderful, I just knew it from the beginning. From Arkansas? Shoot. "

" Presidents tend to tinker, you know, and mess everything up. "

" You have to understand, I can't do any jokes about Ross Perot, because the last thing I need right now is another credit check. "

" Only a cheap politician, greedy for political gain, would try to single out one individual for blame. The fault lies not with the individual but with the system, and that system is Richard Nixon. "

" The last few years of my life have been a little like a long ride in a Poop de Ville with the bottom down. "

" I've been on the campaign trail so long, some of my wine has turned to vinegar. "

" Actually, my wine was served at the White House twice. Reagan must have been asleep when he ordered it. "

" Wine is something to enjoy. We get sick and tired of people who pick it apart and talk about its 'saucy nuances.' "

" I've upped my standards. Now, up yours. "

" I came down to Orange because I sold the Smothers Brothers a song called 'Chocolate,' and that gave me enough money to move down here. I was washing windows down in Orange County when they called me up and said they wanted me to do their TV show. "

" The federal government spends millions to run the Postal Service. I could lose your mail for half of that. "

" The No. 1 cause of forest fires is trees. "

" If you're old enough to be arrested, you're old enough to carry a gun. "