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" I think I'd make a pretty good president, and they have a great pension plan. "

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" So I got into growing grapes, not realizing that there was a heck of a lot more to it than meets the eye. "

" I don't need adult supervision. "

" Assuming either the Left Wing or the Right Wing gained control of the country, it would probably fly around in circles. "

" The No. 1 cause of forest fires is trees. "

" I'd learned some things. I knew you weren't supposed to hold a good wine at the top - the paper bag falls off. "

" Now that my wine has been served in the White House, why not me? Who could talk to farmers better than I? Somebody even asked me the other day if I had anything in my platform about taxes. 'Hell yes,' I said. 'Great state. But I wouldn't want to live there.' "

" I think we should just tip the government if it does a good job. Fifteen percent is the standard tip, isn't it? "

" Yeah, I'm running for the White House again. Well, it's not a run, really; it's sort of a brisk walk. "

" The last few years of my life have been a little like a long ride in a Poop de Ville with the bottom down. "

" I read an article that said one in five Americans thinks Elvis is alive. I want to find those morons and get them registered to vote for me. "

" As I've always said: The future lies ahead. "

" In America, any boy can grow up to become president. Or, if he never grows up, vice president. "

" We must remember that as the centuries go by, time will pass. "

" We've got to step up our conservation efforts before it's too late. We're not protecting our lands and natural resources. Take the Grand Canyon for example; I'm sure that at one time it was a beautiful piece of land, and just look at the way we've let it go. "

" Deep down, I happen to be very shallow. "

" I've been on the campaign trail so long, some of my wine has turned to vinegar. "

" I like to pour my wines for people. I watch their eyes, I can see what they'll like. Most people say they don't like dry wine because they haven't had a dry wine that's clean and fruity, instead of a big, oaky thing. "

" I once told Tommy Smothers, 'If I could just get the money and the women straightened out, the rest of my life would be easy.' "

" The federal government spends millions to run the Postal Service. I could lose your mail for half of that. "

" Only a cheap politician, greedy for political gain, would try to single out one individual for blame. The fault lies not with the individual but with the system, and that system is Richard Nixon. "

" You can fool some of the people all of the time and all of the people some of the time, but you can only make a monkey out of the voters every four years! "

" I will not claim I will solve all the world's problems by myself. If I did, I'd have to run as a Republican or a Democrat. "

" I want to caucus in Iowa. I'll caucus all over the state. I don't caucus in California. You don't caucus where you live. It doesn't look good. "

" A gun is a necessity. Who knows if you're walking down a street and you spot a moose? "

" If you're old enough to be arrested, you're old enough to carry a gun. "

" Presidents tend to tinker, you know, and mess everything up. "

" Only 10 percent of the people in the U.S. like dry wines. You shouldn't get down on people just because they like a little sugar. "

" Wine is something to enjoy. We get sick and tired of people who pick it apart and talk about its 'saucy nuances.' "

" All the problems we face in the United States today can be traced to an unenlightened immigration policy on the part of the American Indian. "

" It's tough campaigning, kissing hands and shaking babies. "