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" Wine is something to enjoy. We get sick and tired of people who pick it apart and talk about its 'saucy nuances.' "
Pat Paulsen
People
Enjoy
Tired
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" We've got to step up our conservation efforts before it's too late. We're not protecting our lands and natural resources. Take the Grand Canyon for example; I'm sure that at one time it was a beautiful piece of land, and just look at the way we've let it go. "
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Way
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Late
" As I've always said: The future lies ahead. "
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Future
" Should we continue to spend billions to subsidize foreign military dictatorships, or should we concentrate on taking better care of the one we have right here at home? "
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" The federal government spends millions to run the Postal Service. I could lose your mail for half of that. "
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" I don't need adult supervision. "
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Adult
Need
Supervision
" I've been on the campaign trail so long, some of my wine has turned to vinegar. "
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Wine
Campaign
Been
" I read an article that said one in five Americans thinks Elvis is alive. I want to find those morons and get them registered to vote for me. "
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Alive
Find
Me
" I think I'd make a pretty good president, and they have a great pension plan. "
Pat Paulsen
Make
Plan
Pretty
" If elected, I will win. "
Pat Paulsen
Win
Will
Elected
" All the problems we face in the United States today can be traced to an unenlightened immigration policy on the part of the American Indian. "
Pat Paulsen
Today
Problems
Policy
" It's tough campaigning, kissing hands and shaking babies. "
Pat Paulsen
Kissing
Hands
Tough
" A gun is a necessity. Who knows if you're walking down a street and you spot a moose? "
Pat Paulsen
You
Street
Down
" Only a cheap politician, greedy for political gain, would try to single out one individual for blame. The fault lies not with the individual but with the system, and that system is Richard Nixon. "
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Cheap
Blame
Fault
" Presidents tend to tinker, you know, and mess everything up. "
Pat Paulsen
Mess
Know
Everything
" Having a comic in the White House will assure stability in foreign relations. The world will continue to respond to foreign initiatives by saying, 'You must be joking.' "
Pat Paulsen
World
Will
White
" I came down to Orange because I sold the Smothers Brothers a song called 'Chocolate,' and that gave me enough money to move down here. I was washing windows down in Orange County when they called me up and said they wanted me to do their TV show. "
Pat Paulsen
Enough
Me
Money
" Actually, my wine was served at the White House twice. Reagan must have been asleep when he ordered it. "
Pat Paulsen
White
White House
Wine
" I admit I do have some drawbacks and limitations as a candidate. Although I am a professional comedian, some of my critics maintain that this is not enough. I cannot deny that I stand before you untested and inexperienced - I only spent two years in television, never as a romantic lead or a song and dance man. "
Pat Paulsen
Song
Stand
Man
" I want to caucus in Iowa. I'll caucus all over the state. I don't caucus in California. You don't caucus where you live. It doesn't look good. "
Pat Paulsen
Good
Live
Look
" If you're old enough to be arrested, you're old enough to carry a gun. "
Pat Paulsen
Old Enough
Gun
Enough
" Now that my wine has been served in the White House, why not me? Who could talk to farmers better than I? Somebody even asked me the other day if I had anything in my platform about taxes. 'Hell yes,' I said. 'Great state. But I wouldn't want to live there.' "
Pat Paulsen
Day
Great
Wine
" The No. 1 cause of forest fires is trees. "
Pat Paulsen
Fires
Cause
Trees
" I'd learned some things. I knew you weren't supposed to hold a good wine at the top - the paper bag falls off. "
Pat Paulsen
Good
Wine
You
" In America, any boy can grow up to become president. Or, if he never grows up, vice president. "
Pat Paulsen
Never
America
Boy
" Deep down, I happen to be very shallow. "
Pat Paulsen
Down
Very
Shallow
" I think we should just tip the government if it does a good job. Fifteen percent is the standard tip, isn't it? "
Pat Paulsen
Job
Good
Good Job
" I once told Tommy Smothers, 'If I could just get the money and the women straightened out, the rest of my life would be easy.' "
Pat Paulsen
Money
My Life
Rest
" Only 10 percent of the people in the U.S. like dry wines. You shouldn't get down on people just because they like a little sugar. "
Pat Paulsen
Down
People
Sugar
" I am neither left wing nor right wing. I am middle-of-the-bird. "
Pat Paulsen
I Am
Right Wing
Right
" I've upped my standards. Now, up yours. "
Pat Paulsen
Up
Now
Standards