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" Every man has a sane spot somewhere. "
Robert Louis Stevenson
Every Man
Funny
Spot
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" I'm spending a year dead for tax reasons. "
Douglas Adams
Year
Funny
Dead
" You're only as good as your last haircut. "
Fran Lebowitz
Funny
Only
You
" It's such a funny thing when you see your daughter transitioning from your baby, your little girl, to suddenly being a young woman. If you're not really looking for it, you can miss it, and Lily-Rose is on that road already, and there's nothing I can do to stop it. "
Johnny Depp
Daughter
Road
Girl
" It sounds funny, but I always try to keep an open mind about what I'm writing about. Sometimes I squeak my opinions in there, but generally I don't. I try to be objective about things that I'm writing about. "
John Mellencamp
Mind
Funny
Writing
" I got attention by being funny at school, pretending to be retarded, and jumping around with a deformed hand. "
Leonardo DiCaprio
Attention
Funny
Pretending
" Being a funny person does an awful lot of things to you. You feel that you mustn't get serious with people. They don't expect it from you, and they don't want to see it. You're not entitled to be serious, you're a clown. "
Fanny Brice
Serious
Clown
Feel
" Every girls' night needs a funny movie and a good conversation about guys! My friends and I also love picking outfits out for each other to try on at slumber parties. It's so fun. "
Jennette McCurdy
Night
Friends
Fun
" I'm a classic example of all humorists - only funny when I'm working. "
Peter Sellers
Example
Working
Only
" I'll stick to finding the funny in the ordinary because my life is pretty ordinary and so are the lives of my friends - and my friends are hilarious. "
Issa Rae
Finding
My Life
Life
" Books are good enough in their own way, but they are a poor substitute for life. "
Robert Louis Stevenson
Enough
Poor
Own
" To know what you prefer instead of humbly saying Amen to what the world tells you ought to prefer, is to have kept your soul alive. "
Robert Louis Stevenson
Alive
Know
You
" I had everything I'd hoped for, but I wasn't being myself. So I decided to be honest about who I was. It was strange: The people who loved me for being funny suddenly didn't like me for being... me. "
Ellen DeGeneres
Myself
Being Myself
People
" If two wrongs don't make a right, try three. "
Laurence J. Peter
Try
Two
Three
" The only time I ever enjoyed ironing was the day I accidentally got gin in the steam iron. "
Phyllis Diller
Time
Funny
Only
" The most exciting phrase to hear in science, the one that heralds new discoveries, is not 'Eureka!' but 'That's funny...' "
Isaac Asimov
New
Most
Hear
" I think maybe one reason why ventriloquists are looked down on is because it's very difficult to be funny. I think what happens is that people get a dummy, they learn the technique of ventriloquism, they memorize the script, they think they're in show business. "
Jeff Dunham
Learn
Think
People
" I don't know, maybe Australian humour isn't supposed to be funny. It's as dry as the Sahara, and I think people miss that. "
Nick Cave
Miss
People
Think
" I want my children to have all the things I couldn't afford. Then I want to move in with them. "
Phyllis Diller
Children
Want
Things
" Comedy is surprises, so if you're intending to make somebody laugh and they don't laugh, that's funny. "
Norm MacDonald
Surprises
You
Laugh
" I started writing 'Southern Baptist Sissies' right after I had written the screenplay for 'Sordid Lives', so that's when I started on a darker path in telling the truth about my journey in the church, but there was still a lot of funny. "
Del Shores
Path
Funny
Truth
" Sooner or later everyone sits down to a banquet of consequences. "
Robert Louis Stevenson
Down
Later
Consequences
" I comment on my friends' things; whatever they post, I post funny posts. I don't post anything that's too sad or mad, or at least not for too long. And I'm usually just a happy person! Silly - people would describe me as silly and crazy and fun. "
GloZell
Sad
People
Happy
" The trouble with having an open mind, of course, is that people will insist on coming along and trying to put things in it. "
Terry Pratchett
Trouble
Trying
People
" Mariah is a beautiful and talented person, and I've had a crush on her for as long as I can remember. Every day, my respect for Mariah continues to grow higher. She's a caring, warm and funny person. People have no idea how funny she is! I feel like I've always known she was my forever love. "
Nick Cannon
Funny
Love
Day
" I usually stalk fans because I think they're really funny on Twitter. They don't know it, but I'll just go through their timelines, and if something is happening in the media, I always read fan accounts instead of the news because they have all the info and make the funniest jokes about it, so that's how I get my gossip - by stalking fans. "
Gigi Hadid
Gossip
Funny
Know
" All the candy corn that was ever made was made in 1911. "
Lewis Black
Funny
Candy
Corn
" If I get dressed up, and my boyfriend says, 'You look gorgeous,' I kinda feel funny. I don't know if I'm particularly comfortable with being attractive. "
Toni Collette
Funny
Know
Look
" The funny thing about directing is that you have your own opinions, but it's a collaboration. Directing is a group effort. Even though you might think something works, the smartest thing you can do as a director is try and weigh the opinions of the people around you. "
Chris Evans
People
Funny
Effort
" Society is like a stew. If you don't stir it up every once in a while then a layer of scum floats to the top. "
Edward Abbey
Up
Funny
Like
" Life would be tragic if it weren't funny. "
Stephen Hawking
Would
Life
Tragic