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" Fashion is what you adopt when you don't know who you are. "

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" For flavor, instant sex will never supersede the stuff you have to peel and cook. "

" It's no good running a pig farm badly for 30 years while saying, 'Really, I was meant to be a ballet dancer.' By then, pigs will be your style. "

" To know all is not to forgive all. It is to despise everybody. "

" Never keep up with the Joneses. Drag them down to your level. "

" Is not the whole world a vast house of assignation of which the filing system has been lost? "

" In an expanding universe, time is on the side of the outcast. Those who once inhabited the suburbs of human contempt find that without changing their address they eventually live in the metropolis. "

" Manners are love in a cool climate. "

" I simply haven't the nerve to imagine a being, a force, a cause which keeps the planets revolving in their orbits and then suddenly stops in order to give me a bicycle with three speeds. "

" An autobiography is an obituary in serial form with the last installment missing. "

" It is not the simple statement of facts that ushers in freedom; it is the constant repetition of them that has this liberating effect. Tolerance is the result not of enlightenment, but of boredom. "

" Sex is the last refuge of the miserable. "

" Though intelligence is powerless to modify character, it is a dab hand at finding euphemisms for its weaknesses. "

" Health consists of having the same diseases as one's neighbors. "

" There is no need to do any housework at all. After the first four years the dirt doesn't get any worse. "

" Nothing more rapidly inclines a person to go into a monastery than reading a book on etiquette. There are so many trivial ways in which it is possible to commit some social sin. "

" Living en famille provides the strongest motives for rudeness combined with the maximum opportunity for displaying it. "

" The law is simply expediency wearing a long white dress. "

" When I told the people of Northern Ireland that I was an atheist, a woman in the audience stood up and said, 'Yes, but is it the God of the Catholics or the God of the Protestants in whom you don't believe? "

" Decency must be an even more exhausting state to maintain than its opposite. Those who succeed seem to need a stupefying amount of sleep. "

" Love is not enough. It must be the foundation, the cornerstone - but not the complete structure. It is much too pliable, too yielding. "

" The British do not expect happiness. I had the impression, all the time that I lived there, that they do not want to be happy; they want to be right. "

" Nothing shortens a journey so pleasantly as an account of misfortunes at which the hearer is permitted to laugh. "

" My mother protected me from the world and my father threatened me with it. "

" Vice is its own reward. It is virtue which, if it is to be marketed with consumer appeal, must carry Green Shield stamps. "

" The young always have the same problem - how to rebel and conform at the same time. They have now solved this by defying their parents and copying one another. "

" Euphemisms are unpleasant truths wearing diplomatic cologne. "

" Life was a funny thing that happened to me on the way to the grave. "

" The consuming desire of most human beings is deliberately to plant their whole life in the hands of some other person. I would describe this method of searching for happiness as immature. Development of character consists solely in moving toward self-sufficiency. "

" The poverty from which I have suffered could be diagnosed as 'Soho' poverty. It comes from having the airs and graces of a genius and no talent. "

" Abatement in the hostility of one's enemies must never be thought to signify they have been won over. It only means that one has ceased to constitute a threat. "