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" To know all is not to forgive all. It is to despise everybody. "

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" The consuming desire of most human beings is deliberately to plant their whole life in the hands of some other person. I would describe this method of searching for happiness as immature. Development of character consists solely in moving toward self-sufficiency. "

" When I told the people of Northern Ireland that I was an atheist, a woman in the audience stood up and said, 'Yes, but is it the God of the Catholics or the God of the Protestants in whom you don't believe? "

" Living en famille provides the strongest motives for rudeness combined with the maximum opportunity for displaying it. "

" Love is not enough. It must be the foundation, the cornerstone - but not the complete structure. It is much too pliable, too yielding. "

" Health consists of having the same diseases as one's neighbors. "

" You fall out of your mother's womb, you crawl across open country under fire, and drop into your grave. "

" Though intelligence is powerless to modify character, it is a dab hand at finding euphemisms for its weaknesses. "

" Decency must be an even more exhausting state to maintain than its opposite. Those who succeed seem to need a stupefying amount of sleep. "

" Abatement in the hostility of one's enemies must never be thought to signify they have been won over. It only means that one has ceased to constitute a threat. "

" Vice is its own reward. It is virtue which, if it is to be marketed with consumer appeal, must carry Green Shield stamps. "

" Euphemisms are unpleasant truths wearing diplomatic cologne. "

" The law is simply expediency wearing a long white dress. "

" If at first you don't succeed, failure may be your style. "

" For flavor, instant sex will never supersede the stuff you have to peel and cook. "

" It's no good running a pig farm badly for 30 years while saying, 'Really, I was meant to be a ballet dancer.' By then, pigs will be your style. "

" The trouble with children is that they're not returnable. "

" There is no need to do any housework at all. After the first four years the dirt doesn't get any worse. "

" Sex is the last refuge of the miserable. "

" I recommend limiting one's involvement in other people's lives to a pleasantly scant minimum. "

" However low a man sinks he never reaches the level of the police. "

" Life was a funny thing that happened to me on the way to the grave. "

" Nothing more rapidly inclines a person to go into a monastery than reading a book on etiquette. There are so many trivial ways in which it is possible to commit some social sin. "

" My mother protected me from the world and my father threatened me with it. "

" For an introvert his environment is himself and can never be subject to startling or unforeseen change. "

" Manners are love in a cool climate. "

" In an expanding universe, time is on the side of the outcast. Those who once inhabited the suburbs of human contempt find that without changing their address they eventually live in the metropolis. "

" The very purpose of existence is to reconcile the glowing opinion we hold of ourselves with the appalling things that other people think about us. "

" Fashion is what you adopt when you don't know who you are. "

" Never keep up with the Joneses. Drag them down to your level. "

" The young always have the same problem - how to rebel and conform at the same time. They have now solved this by defying their parents and copying one another. "