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" Decency must be an even more exhausting state to maintain than its opposite. Those who succeed seem to need a stupefying amount of sleep. "

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" The young always have the same problem - how to rebel and conform at the same time. They have now solved this by defying their parents and copying one another. "

" Life was a funny thing that happened to me on the way to the grave. "

" The consuming desire of most human beings is deliberately to plant their whole life in the hands of some other person. I would describe this method of searching for happiness as immature. Development of character consists solely in moving toward self-sufficiency. "

" Euphemisms are unpleasant truths wearing diplomatic cologne. "

" When I told the people of Northern Ireland that I was an atheist, a woman in the audience stood up and said, 'Yes, but is it the God of the Catholics or the God of the Protestants in whom you don't believe? "

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" Love is not enough. It must be the foundation, the cornerstone - but not the complete structure. It is much too pliable, too yielding. "

" It's no good running a pig farm badly for 30 years while saying, 'Really, I was meant to be a ballet dancer.' By then, pigs will be your style. "

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" In an expanding universe, time is on the side of the outcast. Those who once inhabited the suburbs of human contempt find that without changing their address they eventually live in the metropolis. "

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" Living en famille provides the strongest motives for rudeness combined with the maximum opportunity for displaying it. "

" Nothing more rapidly inclines a person to go into a monastery than reading a book on etiquette. There are so many trivial ways in which it is possible to commit some social sin. "

" The law is simply expediency wearing a long white dress. "

" The very purpose of existence is to reconcile the glowing opinion we hold of ourselves with the appalling things that other people think about us. "

" I simply haven't the nerve to imagine a being, a force, a cause which keeps the planets revolving in their orbits and then suddenly stops in order to give me a bicycle with three speeds. "

" My mother protected me from the world and my father threatened me with it. "

" There is no need to do any housework at all. After the first four years the dirt doesn't get any worse. "

" Health consists of having the same diseases as one's neighbors. "

" Fashion is what you adopt when you don't know who you are. "

" The British do not expect happiness. I had the impression, all the time that I lived there, that they do not want to be happy; they want to be right. "

" However low a man sinks he never reaches the level of the police. "

" The trouble with children is that they're not returnable. "

" The poverty from which I have suffered could be diagnosed as 'Soho' poverty. It comes from having the airs and graces of a genius and no talent. "