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" I simply haven't the nerve to imagine a being, a force, a cause which keeps the planets revolving in their orbits and then suddenly stops in order to give me a bicycle with three speeds. "
Quentin Crisp
Imagine
Give
Force
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" The consuming desire of most human beings is deliberately to plant their whole life in the hands of some other person. I would describe this method of searching for happiness as immature. Development of character consists solely in moving toward self-sufficiency. "
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" The very purpose of existence is to reconcile the glowing opinion we hold of ourselves with the appalling things that other people think about us. "
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" However low a man sinks he never reaches the level of the police. "
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" My mother protected me from the world and my father threatened me with it. "
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" For flavor, instant sex will never supersede the stuff you have to peel and cook. "
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" The young always have the same problem - how to rebel and conform at the same time. They have now solved this by defying their parents and copying one another. "
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" Life was a funny thing that happened to me on the way to the grave. "
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" Abatement in the hostility of one's enemies must never be thought to signify they have been won over. It only means that one has ceased to constitute a threat. "
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" There is no need to do any housework at all. After the first four years the dirt doesn't get any worse. "
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" There are three reasons for becoming a writer: the first is that you need the money; the second that you have something to say that you think the world should know; the third is that you can't think what to do with the long winter evenings. "
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" Euphemisms are unpleasant truths wearing diplomatic cologne. "
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" Men get laid, but women get screwed. "
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" Fashion is what you adopt when you don't know who you are. "
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" The poverty from which I have suffered could be diagnosed as 'Soho' poverty. It comes from having the airs and graces of a genius and no talent. "
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" Vice is its own reward. It is virtue which, if it is to be marketed with consumer appeal, must carry Green Shield stamps. "
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" Sex is the last refuge of the miserable. "
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" It's no good running a pig farm badly for 30 years while saying, 'Really, I was meant to be a ballet dancer.' By then, pigs will be your style. "
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" The law is simply expediency wearing a long white dress. "
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" You fall out of your mother's womb, you crawl across open country under fire, and drop into your grave. "
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" Never keep up with the Joneses. Drag them down to your level. "
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" Nothing shortens a journey so pleasantly as an account of misfortunes at which the hearer is permitted to laugh. "
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" I recommend limiting one's involvement in other people's lives to a pleasantly scant minimum. "
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" The British do not expect happiness. I had the impression, all the time that I lived there, that they do not want to be happy; they want to be right. "
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" In an expanding universe, time is on the side of the outcast. Those who once inhabited the suburbs of human contempt find that without changing their address they eventually live in the metropolis. "
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" The trouble with children is that they're not returnable. "
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" For an introvert his environment is himself and can never be subject to startling or unforeseen change. "
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" Manners are love in a cool climate. "
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" Living en famille provides the strongest motives for rudeness combined with the maximum opportunity for displaying it. "
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