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" What's another word for Thesaurus? "
Steven Wright
Thesaurus
Funny
Another
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" Too much agreement kills a chat. "
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" How long was I in the army? Five foot eleven. "
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" I'd never been in play long enough for the flowers to die in the dressing room. "
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" What I like about the jokes, to me it's a lot of logic, no matter how crazy they are. It has to make absolute sense, or it won't be funny. "
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" I need one of those baby monitors from my subconscious to my consciousness so I can know what the hell I'm really thinking about. "
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" I have two pairs of reading glasses. One pair is for reading fiction, the other for non-fiction. I've read the Bible twice wearing each pair, and it's the same. "
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" It's a funny thing: my name in Arabic means hope, so I suppose I have to live by that principle. Hope is desire, feeling, and investing in a projection of something that doesn't yet exist. At its best, you witness its alchemy in your life, turning something that was once in the mind into reality. At its worst, it's delusion. "
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" The musicals that I loved, growing up - many, many. 'Singing in the Rain,' of course, is a classic, I love 'Meet Me in St. Louis.' I love 'Funny Face,' Stanley Donen's beautiful movie. It's really countless for me. "
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" I love the funny and sweet moments I have with my cats, Jake and Frank, so I'm honored to be celebrating these moments at the Catdance Film Festival. "
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" There's nothing cure or funny or lovable about being cheap. It's a total turn-off. "
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" Katy Perry still gets me every time. She's very funny in person! We met at the Teen Choice Awards and she pulled my cheeks apart and told me how cute I was. My life was literally flashing before my eyes! "
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" The funny thing about directing is that you have your own opinions, but it's a collaboration. Directing is a group effort. Even though you might think something works, the smartest thing you can do as a director is try and weigh the opinions of the people around you. "
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" What a nice night for an evening. "
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Evening
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Nice
" Someone asked me, if I were stranded on a desert island what book would I bring... 'How to Build a Boat.' "
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" Some of the best bad guys in movies are funny and charming. "
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" I've always had to conquer fear when I'm on stage. Basically, I was and still am a very shy person. It's absolutely in conflict with what I do. But once I deliver the first joke I'm okay. It's like I'm out there all by myself just delivering my lines to nobody in particular without ever trying to notice the audience in front of me. "
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" When I go to a bar, I don't go looking for a girl who knows the capital of Maine. "
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" Last night I stayed up late playing poker with Tarot cards. I got a full house and four people died. "
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" The two things in the world we all share in this world are laughter and pain. We've all got problems. The levels of those problems vary, but we've all got problems. When you can take things that are painful and make them funny, that's a gift - to you and your audience. "
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" Curiosity killed the cat, but for a while I was a suspect. "
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Curiosity
While
" A funny thing about near-future stories: the future catches up to them. If the author is unlucky, the future catches up faster than the book can get out the door. "
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" All you have in comedy, in general, is just going with your instincts. You can only hope that other people think that what you think is funny is funny. I don't have an answer but I just try to plough straight ahead. "
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" I've been fascinated by the Internet from the very start. In 2001, I had made a funny black-and-white film called 'How to Dance Properly,' a short video of me dancing to a Madonna song. I sent it to 17 of my friends on a Thursday, and by Monday, one million people a day were logging on to view it. "
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" I do come across people who don't like me, don't like my comedy, don't think it's funny, it's too cutesy, or whatever they hate. And it's like, 'Okay. That's your opinion. Somebody liked it, so that's good.' Hopefully it balances out. "
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" When I was a little kid we had a sand box. It was a quicksand box. I was an only child... eventually. "
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" I think that 'Hangover II' is as funny as 'The Hangover I,' honest to God, but I think that it's a little bit darker, and the stakes are a little bit higher. "
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" It's very interesting, the joke comes first and then the wording comes within five seconds, maybe ten seconds. My thing is to get the joke across in as few words as possible. However, sometimes a word that's not really needed does help the rhythm of it. It's a gut feeling. "
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" I wrote a few children's books... not on purpose. "
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Children
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" I see fighters make funny videos about me and stick them on Facebook and get 20 likes. When I make a video, I sell it to Fox and make seven figures. That's the difference. "
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