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" I knew I was an unwanted baby when I saw that my bath toys were a toaster and a radio. "

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" It is to be observed that 'angling' is the name given to fishing by people who can't fish. "

Stephen Leacock

" When I was in improv workshops or doing stand-up or writing comedy with others, or just doing comedy, I just laughed. Funny was funny; I loved to laugh. I always liked people I found generally funny. "

" I definitely started to perform a little bit in middle school, but not the typical musical/play route. I think that I am funny, but it was more of a social thing, where that was my part in my circle of friends. "

" I am blessed with a funny gene that makes me enjoy life. "

" Who included me among the ranks of the human race? "

" Life is funny, and a lot of times, the people that I've met have really gone past anything that I've ever dreamed of, so I'm really grateful. My friendships really go from the West to the East. You'd be amazed at some of the people I call friends. "

" I'm a funny person, but I take my music seriously. "

" It's funny; recently I've started to notice people's impersonations of me, and it's basically like a hyperactive child. "

" I'm a funny guy. You've got to be able to make fun of yourself. We only live once. "

" A lot of newspaper columns used to be written in a rat-a-tat-tat, fast-paced style - and they tended to be funny. They were a little relief from the grimmer, grayer parts of the newspaper, and one of the best people at doing this was Will Rogers. "

" It's so funny how social media was just this fun thing, and now it's this monster that consumes so many millennial lives. "

" Being funny is everything to me. "

" I'm not a fussy eater, but when I'm travelling, I try to stick to the same regime and just have my chicken and my mash and broccoli. Otherwise, you start eating all these funny delicacies, and it makes your tummy turn upside down. "

" A nickel ain't worth a dime anymore. "

" He was like a cock who thought the sun had risen to hear him crow. "

" I always just wanted to be funny. I never really planned to be scary. "

" We are supposed to enjoy the good stuff now, while we can, with the people we love. Life has a funny way of teaching us that lesson over and over again. "

" If men knew how women pass the time when they are alone, they'd never marry. "

" I think the eyes flirt most. There are so many ways to use them. "

" I'm in nobody's circle, I've always been an outsider. "

" I'm a fan of the old 'Creature Features' like 'Critters,' and 'Gremlins' and 'Tremors.' 'Jaws' is classic. It's funny that I still like those films because I remember my mom would tease me about getting a pet Critter to keep under my bed. "

" I went out with seven actors in a row. There are problems with that. I've had the really good-looking dramatic actor, and that has its problems. And then I'll go out with the funny guy. It's almost like the funny guy has more to prove. "

Jennifer Coolidge

" My favorite type of pet has always been a dog. They're loyal, kind, and offer endless affection. My friend Eric says, 'The more people I meet, the more I like my dog.' Funny thought. "

" Children are smarter than any of us. Know how I know that? I don't know one child with a full time job and children. "

" They're great girls. They're very funny, they're very smart, they're fun to be with. They're very lively, as I think people can tell. And you know, they're very confident girls. "

" If you haven't got anything nice to say about anybody, come sit next to me. "

Alice Roosevelt Longworth

" Never put a sock in a toaster. "

" If I had to live my life over, I'd live over a saloon. "

" Turn up the lights. I don't want to go home in the dark. "

" I haven't spoken to my wife in years. I didn't want to interrupt her. "

Rodney Dangerfield