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" When you're eight years old nothing is your business. "

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" It's funny, the moment you dread the most, seeing yourself bald, is actually not such a bad moment at all. "

" If I had to live my life again, I'd make the same mistakes, only sooner. "

Tallulah Bankhead

" If I were two-faced, would I be wearing this one? "

Abraham Lincoln

" To be or not to be. That's not really a question. "

Jean-Luc Godard

" I write funny. If I can make my wife laugh, I know I'm on the right track. But yes, I don't like to get Maudlin. And I have a tendency towards it. "

" There's something very authentic about humor, when you think about it. Anybody can pretend to be serious. But you can't pretend to be funny. "

" One picture is worth 1,000 denials. "

Picture Is Worth

" My eyes are different sizes, my nose is too broad at the bridge and squishes up when I laugh, and my lips are sorta funny when I smile. "

" I think a lot of stuff I find funny is from day dreaming. "

" But I think Kiss Kiss, Bang Bang really got that thing where, if a movie reads really funny and then has some dramatic or violent or sinister stuff in it, you can't forget that primarily it has to be even funnier than you read it or that other stuff doesn't work. "

Robert Downey, Jr.

" All you can do is really the prep work and make sure you're ready to hit each golf shot. Outside of that, you're not sure really what's going to happen. It's a funny game, but I think that's why I love it. You never know, one day to the next; you could go shoot 62, and the next day you're going to shoot 78, and you can't predict it. "

" Part of my act is meant to shake you up. It looks like I'm being funny, but I'm reminding you of other things. Life is tough, darling. Life is hard. And we better laugh at everything; otherwise, we're going down the tube. "

" I've thought for the last decade or so, the only actual place raw truth was seeping through in newspapers was on the Comics Pages. They were able to pull off intelligent social comment, pure truths not found elsewhere in the news pages, and had the ability to make it all funny, entertaining, and pertinent. "

" I'm crazy, funny, and good looking! "

" Cleanliness becomes more important when godliness is unlikely. "

" A committee is a group that keeps minutes and loses hours. "

" I am blessed with a funny gene that makes me enjoy life. "

" Lead us not into temptation. Just tell us where it is; we'll find it. "

" I find, when you're an optimist, life has a funny way of looking after you. "

" I try to be funny and not ignorant. "

" The funny thing is, I'm so used to not caring what anyone says, good or bad, that unfortunately even when people say good things... I wish it made me feel good, but it doesn't. "

" It's funny: I was a photographer before I was a programmer. "

" Be thankful we're not getting all the government we're paying for. "

" I wasn't close to my father, but I wanted to be all my life. He had a funny sense of humor, and he laughed all the time - good and loud, like I do. He was a gay Irish gentleman and very good-looking. And he wanted to be close to me, too, but we never had much time together. "

" The way my luck is running, if I was a politician I would be honest. "

Rodney Dangerfield

" Some of the best bad guys in movies are funny and charming. "

" I have yet to hear a man ask for advice on how to combine marriage and a career. "

" You can't really be strong until you see a funny side to things. "

" The most exciting phrase to hear in science, the one that heralds new discoveries, is not 'Eureka!' but 'That's funny...' "

" Without hurting anybody, we all tend to laugh at others' discomfort. When someone slips on a banana skin and falls it's funny. "