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" To be or not to be. That's not really a question. "

Jean-Luc Godard

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" I was a vegetarian until I started leaning toward the sunlight. "

" I could sooner reconcile all Europe than two women. "

" To me, the funniest American of the Twentieth Century is Richard Nixon because he had the most to hide, and he was so bad at hiding it. To me, that's what's really funny - people who think they're doing a great job of hiding stuff, and it just keeps leaking out. "

" When Jonathan Winters died, it was like, 'Oh, man!' I knew he was frail, but I always thought he was going to last longer. I knew him as being really funny, but at the same time, he had a dark side. "

" It's so funny because I listen to songs that I recorded that I didn't really know anything about at the time. Later on I'm starting to feel the songs. Sing them first, feel them later. "

" The inspiration for my Vines comes from thinking about funny and relatable experiences from my daily life. "

" 'Hustle' is wonderfully enjoyable because all my life, I've made an effort to be with people who can make me laugh. That original cast - Marc Warren, Jaime Murray, Robert Glenister and Adrian Lester - are all funny. So I know every day I'll have a few good laughs. "

" There are so many funny women in the world, and there has been for so many years, so I'll be happy when people can just move on from that, and things can just be 'comedies' and not 'female' or 'male,' and everyone gets an equal opportunity. "

" I was so afraid to even read a paper in front of my classmates. It is very funny because at that point my teachers would never have believed that I could speak in front of an audience of over 2,000 people. "

" There's always going to be someone as funny as you or funnier. "

" It's funny: people who meet me say, 'I thought you'd be different.' But I'm still the same guy. "

" I knew I was an unwanted baby when I saw that my bath toys were a toaster and a radio. "

" Guilt: the gift that keeps on giving. "

" Do not let a flattering woman coax and wheedle you and deceive you; she is after your barn. "

" It's funny: I was a photographer before I was a programmer. "

" All you have in comedy, in general, is just going with your instincts. You can only hope that other people think that what you think is funny is funny. I don't have an answer but I just try to plough straight ahead. "

" The chief function of the body is to carry the brain around. "

Thomas A. Edison

" I read a funny story about how the Republicans freed the slaves. The Republicans are the ones who created slavery by law in the 1600's. Abraham Lincoln freed the slaves and he was not a Republican. "

" I looked on my stomach and saw Frieda Rebecca, white as flour with the cream that covers new babies, funny little dark squiggles of hair plastered over her head, with big, dark-blue eyes. "

" I think a lot of stuff I find funny is from day dreaming. "

" I'm crazy, funny, and good looking! "

" Keep your sense of humor, my friend; if you don't have a sense of humor it just isn't funny anymore. "

" There's a misunderstanding about what nonsensical things are - the idea that they're just funny, and that's the beginning and the end of it. Nonsense is not 'not sense' - it operates at the edge of sense. It teems with sense - at the same time, it resists any kind of universal understanding. "

" Whatever is funny is subversive, every joke is ultimately a custard pie... a dirty joke is a sort of mental rebellion. "

" Sometimes I'm really funny, sometimes I'm quiet, sometimes I'm shy, but I'm constantly changing. "

" When the Holocaust happened, I was 15 years old. My parents kept it a secret from me, despite belonging to the Red Cross. I only found out about it much later. Even today I still feel guilty, because I was an ignoramus between the age of 15 and 25. I am sorry I couldn't stand up for them. "

Jean-Luc Godard

" Wine is constant proof that God loves us and loves to see us happy. "

Benjamin Franklin

" It is even harder for the average ape to believe that he has descended from man. "

" I saw a woman wearing a sweatshirt with Guess on it. I said, Thyroid problem? "

Arnold Schwarzenegger

" I would talk in iambic pentameter if it were easier. "