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" Cure for an obsession: get another one. "

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" While we are reading, we are all Don Quixote. "

" I'm attracted to women who are smart and funny and ambitious and have lives of their own and great families. Isn't that what attracts anyone? "

" Food, love, career, and mothers, the four major guilt groups. "

Cathy Guisewite

" A two-year-old is kind of like having a blender, but you don't have a top for it. "

" I always just wanted to be funny. I never really planned to be scary. "

" It's funny what a few no-hitters do for a body. "

" I have had a perfectly wonderful evening, but this wasn't it. "

" There's a rule of writing: if everything is funny, nothing is funny; if everything is sad, nothing is sad. You want that contrast. "

J. Michael Straczynski

" Staid middle age loves the hurricane passions of opera. "

" The gods are watching, but idly, yawning. "

" There is nothing funny about Halloween. This sarcastic festival reflects, rather, an infernal demand for revenge by children on the adult world. "

Jean Baudrillard

" Part of my act is meant to shake you up. It looks like I'm being funny, but I'm reminding you of other things. Life is tough, darling. Life is hard. And we better laugh at everything; otherwise, we're going down the tube. "

" Older people shouldn't eat health food, they need all the preservatives they can get. "

" You see much more of your children once they leave home. "

" My passions have never jumped out of the fireplace and set fire to the carpet. "

" In my circle of friends, I've always been loud and funny and talkative. But as soon as I step out of that circle, I get very quiet and introspective. I don't want the spotlight on me. "

" Unless someone wants to look funny, I'll not recommend anyone to copy my bowling action. But on a serious note, with the confidence that I have got from the amount of runs I have been scoring, when I'm thrown the ball to bowl, I am pretty sure of what I have to do. I may not be the most attractive to watch while bowling, but I can be effective. "

" A blunt statement can be as false as any other. "

" Cruelty is softened by fear, not pity. "

" Nobody ever went broke underestimating the taste of the American public. "

" We are all here on earth to help others; what on earth the others are here for I don't know. "

" Fencing is a funny sport. Competitive fencing is not really very applicable to the stage world unless you're fighting with a rapier during the Renaissance, you know? "

Kris Holden-Ried

" Whoever is my relative, I will not be nice to them. "

" Most of my show is true; like, 90% of everything I say on stage is true. I just have to find the way to make it funny - that's the difficult thing. "

" Until you walk a mile in another man's moccasins you can't imagine the smell. "

" If I feel you're funny, I want to work with you. "

Danielle Schneider

" It's funny how people who ain't never been down there can think that America is so fair and that we should be alright. It's funny that the people who have their foot on our neck are telling us, 'Get up. What's wrong with you?' "

" Many gloat over their own troubles. "

" Everybody I know who is funny, it's in them. You can teach timing, or some people are able to tell a joke, though I don't like to tell jokes. But I think you have to be born with a sense of humor and a sense of timing. "

" The great thing for me about 'The Resurrection of Gavin Stone' is it's a throwback to the old fashioned Hollywood movie that you can watch with your family, has a message, and is funny and entertaining. They didn't call them faith-based movies; they just called them good movies. "