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" Cure for an obsession: get another one. "
Mason Cooley
Obsession
Another
Cure
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" While we are reading, we are all Don Quixote. "
Mason Cooley
Reading
Quixote
While
" I'm attracted to women who are smart and funny and ambitious and have lives of their own and great families. Isn't that what attracts anyone? "
Tom Brady
Own
Smart
Great
" Food, love, career, and mothers, the four major guilt groups. "
Cathy Guisewite
Love
Guilt
Funny
" A two-year-old is kind of like having a blender, but you don't have a top for it. "
Jerry Seinfeld
Funny
You
Having
" I always just wanted to be funny. I never really planned to be scary. "
R. L. Stine
Scary
Planned
Never
" It's funny what a few no-hitters do for a body. "
Satchel Paige
Funny
Few
Body
" I have had a perfectly wonderful evening, but this wasn't it. "
Groucho Marx
Evening
Wonderful
Had
" There's a rule of writing: if everything is funny, nothing is funny; if everything is sad, nothing is sad. You want that contrast. "
J. Michael Straczynski
Want
You
Writing
" Staid middle age loves the hurricane passions of opera. "
Mason Cooley
Age
Hurricane
Opera
" The gods are watching, but idly, yawning. "
Mason Cooley
Watching
Gods
Idly
" There is nothing funny about Halloween. This sarcastic festival reflects, rather, an infernal demand for revenge by children on the adult world. "
Jean Baudrillard
Funny
Halloween
Children
" Part of my act is meant to shake you up. It looks like I'm being funny, but I'm reminding you of other things. Life is tough, darling. Life is hard. And we better laugh at everything; otherwise, we're going down the tube. "
Joan Rivers
Life Is Hard
Funny
Tough
" Older people shouldn't eat health food, they need all the preservatives they can get. "
Robert Orben
People
Health
Funny
" You see much more of your children once they leave home. "
Lucille Ball
Children
You
See
" My passions have never jumped out of the fireplace and set fire to the carpet. "
Mason Cooley
Out
Never
Fire
" In my circle of friends, I've always been loud and funny and talkative. But as soon as I step out of that circle, I get very quiet and introspective. I don't want the spotlight on me. "
Rosie Perez
Step
Me
Funny
" Unless someone wants to look funny, I'll not recommend anyone to copy my bowling action. But on a serious note, with the confidence that I have got from the amount of runs I have been scoring, when I'm thrown the ball to bowl, I am pretty sure of what I have to do. I may not be the most attractive to watch while bowling, but I can be effective. "
Virat Kohli
Confidence
Look
Action
" A blunt statement can be as false as any other. "
Mason Cooley
Blunt
Any
False
" Cruelty is softened by fear, not pity. "
Mason Cooley
Cruelty
Fear
Pity
" Nobody ever went broke underestimating the taste of the American public. "
H. L. Mencken
Broke
American
Nobody
" We are all here on earth to help others; what on earth the others are here for I don't know. "
W. H. Auden
Funny
Earth
Know
" Fencing is a funny sport. Competitive fencing is not really very applicable to the stage world unless you're fighting with a rapier during the Renaissance, you know? "
Kris Holden-Ried
Funny
Know
Stage
" Whoever is my relative, I will not be nice to them. "
George Lopez
Relative
Funny
Nice
" Most of my show is true; like, 90% of everything I say on stage is true. I just have to find the way to make it funny - that's the difficult thing. "
Trevor Noah
True
Find
Difficult
" Until you walk a mile in another man's moccasins you can't imagine the smell. "
Robert Byrne
Walk
Funny
Imagine
" If I feel you're funny, I want to work with you. "
Danielle Schneider
Funny
Feel
You
" It's funny how people who ain't never been down there can think that America is so fair and that we should be alright. It's funny that the people who have their foot on our neck are telling us, 'Get up. What's wrong with you?' "
Ice Cube
Think
You
People
" Many gloat over their own troubles. "
Mason Cooley
Troubles
Own
Over
" Everybody I know who is funny, it's in them. You can teach timing, or some people are able to tell a joke, though I don't like to tell jokes. But I think you have to be born with a sense of humor and a sense of timing. "
Carol Burnett
Know
You
Think
" The great thing for me about 'The Resurrection of Gavin Stone' is it's a throwback to the old fashioned Hollywood movie that you can watch with your family, has a message, and is funny and entertaining. They didn't call them faith-based movies; they just called them good movies. "
D. B. Sweeney
Movies
Family
Funny