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" I consider that a man's brain originally is like a little empty attic, and you have to stock it with such furniture as you choose. "

Arthur Conan Doyle

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" There's nothing cure or funny or lovable about being cheap. It's a total turn-off. "

Douglas Coupland

" Men are liars. We'll lie about lying if we have to. I'm an algebra liar. I figure two good lies make a positive. "

" A pessimist is a person who has had to listen to too many optimists. "

" I love practical jokes and humor. That there's frankly no joke that I don't think is funny. I love practical jokes, but I don't like being scared. "

" Who picks your clothes - Stevie Wonder? "

" I have yet to hear a man ask for advice on how to combine marriage and a career. "

" Drawing on my fine command of the English language, I said nothing. "

Robert Benchley

" He looks as though he's been weaned on a pickle. "

Alice Roosevelt Longworth

" The most difficult crime to track is the one which is purposeless. "

Arthur Conan Doyle

" If it's the Psychic Network why do they need a phone number? "

" She was a handsome woman of forty-five and would remain so for many years. "

J. B. Priestley

" I think that certain things are funny and certain things are okay to make fun of - including myself. "

" We need two kinds of acquaintances, one to complain to, while to the others we boast. "

Logan Pearsall Smith

" Being a funny person does an awful lot of things to you. You feel that you mustn't get serious with people. They don't expect it from you, and they don't want to see it. You're not entitled to be serious, you're a clown. "

" Don't talk about yourself; it will be done when you leave. "

" I'm a misplaced American, but don't know where I was misplaced. "

" People forget how outcast 'They Might Be Giants' can be. They have a reputation for writing really deft, funny, clever melodies, and they also make a lot of music for kids, which is terrific, but when you see them in concert, they can rock the house. "

" When I eventually met Mr. Right I had no idea that his first name was Always. "

" I am interested in shows that are not out-and-out gag fests: you see the truth of a broken heart behind them. That is what life is like: it's really funny, you see funny things as soon as you step out of the room, but underneath that is a whole bag of broken hearts. It's that real pain and that real hilarity that makes life so intriguing. "

" Is everything funny? For me, yes. There's a positive to every negative. Even my divorce? For me, yes. If you go back and look at it, why it happened or how it happened, there's something in there that'll make you laugh. "

" The nightmare is you spend the rest of your life being funny at parties and then people say, 'Why didn't you do that when you were on television?' "

" I've always surrounded myself with funny people. "

" There's a misunderstanding about what nonsensical things are - the idea that they're just funny, and that's the beginning and the end of it. Nonsense is not 'not sense' - it operates at the edge of sense. It teems with sense - at the same time, it resists any kind of universal understanding. "

" I am blessed with a funny gene that makes me enjoy life. "

" Viral videos aren't just about being funny. They're about identity creation. "

" If you want to be thought a liar, always tell the truth. "

Logan Pearsall Smith

" Life is funny, and a lot of times, the people that I've met have really gone past anything that I've ever dreamed of, so I'm really grateful. My friendships really go from the West to the East. You'd be amazed at some of the people I call friends. "

" Personally, I feel like I'm trying to redefine what a really good rapper can be like. Like, I think it's not often where a good rapper can be making funny music. "

" The fact is I'm choosy, but mainly about a man's character. He has to be interesting, funny and clever. I don't even mind if he's not very good-looking. "

" You can't really be strong until you see a funny side to things. "