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" He looks as though he's been weaned on a pickle. "

Alice Roosevelt Longworth

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" I never liked you, and I always will. "

" I went to private school for a very long time, and we always wore uniforms. Then in third grade, I switched to a public school, so I was so excited to wear what I wanted on the first day. I remember I chose this orange hoodie with a skirt, and it's so funny when I think about it now because my style really hasn't changed that much. "

" Funny things happen to you in movies for silly reasons. "

" As a small child, I could watch anything happen and tell a story, and it was funny. "

" It's funny, I listen to friends who talk about back when they were 14, eight, 16, whatever, as if it was yesterday. Me, I've no idea what I did. It's all a blur, I'm afraid. "

Catherine McCormack

" Being funny wasn't a career choice growing up, it was my way out of situations; a way to survive another day. "

" The funny thing is people won't let me pay for things. I'll be in a restaurant and the manager will say, 'Oh no, it's on the house.' "

Richard Branson

" It's funny, I get a little quieter with time. I don't want to chase my tail and one day repeat myself and repeat myself and one day have kids going to college and not have memories that I should, because I was too busy doing my thing. "

" I knew I was an unwanted baby when I saw that my bath toys were a toaster and a radio. "

" Personally, I feel like I'm trying to redefine what a really good rapper can be like. Like, I think it's not often where a good rapper can be making funny music. "

" In comic strips, the person on the left always speaks first. "

" The trouble with having an open mind, of course, is that people will insist on coming along and trying to put things in it. "

Terry Pratchett

" I wasn't close to my father, but I wanted to be all my life. He had a funny sense of humor, and he laughed all the time - good and loud, like I do. He was a gay Irish gentleman and very good-looking. And he wanted to be close to me, too, but we never had much time together. "

" It's funny. All you have to do is say something nobody understands and they'll do practically anything you want them to. "

" Always remember your kid's name. Always remember where you put your kid. Don't let your kid drive until their feet can reach the pedals. Use the right size diapers... for yourself. And, when in doubt, make funny faces. "

" I have a new philosophy. I'm only going to dread one day at a time. "

Charles M. Schulz

" There is nothing funny about Halloween. This sarcastic festival reflects, rather, an infernal demand for revenge by children on the adult world. "

Jean Baudrillard

" Working with Julie Andrews is like getting hit over the head with a valentine. "

Christopher Plummer

" Any joke can be funny, but not any joke is funny. Any joke has the potential to be hilarious to you, but more importantly, the joke has the potential to not be funny to you but to someone else. "

Phoebe Robinson

" Life is funny. If you don't laugh, you're in trouble. "

" 'Bridesmaids,' I think, opened up a door to allow women to show a bunch of different women in different ways of being funny. It was kind of like an arrival moment. "

" Weather forecast for tonight: dark. "

" Some of the best bad guys in movies are funny and charming. "

" If a cluttered desk is the sign of a cluttered mind, what is the significance of a clean desk? "

Laurence J. Peter

" It's funny: I was a photographer before I was a programmer. "

" I used to write out of angst. My writing was quite miserable, quite angry, even when it was funny. It was based on this sadness and tired emotional disdain for the world. "

" The one thing you shouldn't do is try to tell a cab driver how to get somewhere. "

" I started writing when I was 9 years old. I was like this weird kid who would just stay in my room, typing little funny magazines and drawing comic strips. "

" I was sleeping the other night, alone, thanks to the exterminator. "

" A two-year-old is kind of like having a blender, but you don't have a top for it. "