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" I don't like comedy. I like funny things. I don't like comedy. Like, comedy movies are just, 'Oh Jesus.' "

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" Life isn't something you possess. It's something you take part in, and you witness. "

" If you're a cartoon character or most TV characters, sure, you'll fight, because the punches are juicy-sounding and they don't leave marks. But in real life, if somebody punches you in the eye, it doesn't make any noise and your eye is swollen for, like, six months. It's a nightmare to get punched in the eye. "

" A lot of the struggle I had with movies is I really loved moments and tones and feelings in a scene, and I loved creating those, but I never really had great stories to string them together. "

" There are people that really live by doing the right thing, but I don't know what that is, I'm really curious about that. I'm really curious about what people think they're doing when they're doing something evil, casually. I think it's really interesting, that we benefit from suffering so much, and we excuse ourselves from it. "

" I don't think women are better than men, I think men are a lot worse than women. "

" I don't know what it's like to be an actor, where if your show gets canceled, really you're just a bum. "

" Whenever I've encountered a Christian saying, 'Why don't you stop talking like that so I can hear you?' I think, 'Well you're the one putting the earmuffs on, but I wish you could hear me because I like you.' "

" I like being full, every day, with stuff that I have to do. "

" Gay men have to go through something to own their - who they are. They get beat up. They get ostracized. Whatever they go through, if they survive it, they come out very confident people. "

" When I read things like the foundations of capitalism are shattering, I'm like, maybe we need that. Maybe we need some time where we're walking around with a donkey with pots clanging on the sides. "

" Technically, I've learned that having good legs and wind is good for being on stage. You have to be in shape and have endurance. "

" I know what it's like to have a bunch of material that's working that you don't care about. You want to die. "

" Some entertainers don't pay attention to what's going on around them. "

" If I do something for my kids, I get a medal, because most fathers don't. "

" I don't have a room full of writers pitching ideas. It's just me out of my head. "

" I spend enough time onscreen looking hangdog and depressed. "

" I have a crazy amount of different jobs, so the way I manage that is to not do more than one at a time. It's like old computers that had small memory chips, they would do something called swapping, where they would fill the memory with one task, do it and get it out. "

" I wish I could know everything ever, like that would be my wish - that's what I hope heaven is, that they tell you who shot JFK and all that stuff. "

" Every day starts, my eyes open and I reload the program of misery. I open my eyes, remember who I am, what I'm like, and I just go, 'Ugh'. "

" There's been a lot of simple vilification of right-wing people. It's really easy to say, 'Well, you're Christian, you're anti-this and that, and I hate you.' But to me, it's more interesting to say, 'What is this person like and how do they really think?' "

" There's no real preparing at home for stand-up. You just go and you just do it. "

" I never viewed money as being 'my money' I always saw it as 'the money.' It's a resource. If it pools up around me then it needs to be flushed back out into the system. "

" Cars and cameras are the two things I let myself be materialistic about. I don't care about other stuff. "

" It's more fun to experience things when you don't know what's going to happen. "

" If I owned a network, I would never let a guy just put people on without telling me who they are. "

" Life is full of horrible mistakes. "

" You have to be aware of who you're talking to in an audience. "

" It's a positive thing to talk about terrible things and make people laugh about them. "

" To me the goal of comedy is to just laugh, which is a really high hearted thing, visceral connection and reaction. "

" I like pressure. Pressure doesn't make me crack. It's enabling. I eat pressure, and there might be times when I get a bad feeling in my gut that this might be too much, but you feel pressure when you're not doing something, you know? "