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" Life isn't something you possess. It's something you take part in, and you witness. "

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" It's hard to know where your thoughts come from, especially when you have a thirst for material because you need it professionally. "

" Talking is always positive. That's why I talk too much. "

" I could never sit down and write jokes. "

" I definitely look at my body and I go: 'Yuck.' "

" You can't direct without a good crew. "

" I've learned from experience that if you work harder at it, and apply more energy and time to it, and more consistency, you get a better result. It comes from the work. "

" I was an awkward kid. "

" I don't have a brother in real life. "

" Comedy isn't polite and it isn't correct and it isn't accurate, even. It's just a mess. So that's the way that I approach it. "

" Oh, I love stand-up. "

" A very painful part of being a parent is having really negative feelings about your children when you love them so much. "

" I wish I could know everything ever, like that would be my wish - that's what I hope heaven is, that they tell you who shot JFK and all that stuff. "

" I don't think women are better than men, I think men are a lot worse than women. "

" I like being full, every day, with stuff that I have to do. "

" A lot of the struggle I had with movies is I really loved moments and tones and feelings in a scene, and I loved creating those, but I never really had great stories to string them together. "

" I'm not sure why I'm so often disgusting on stage. I don't always know where it comes from. "

" I think one reason TV has always done well is because there is something comforting where you kind of know what you're going to be taken through. "

" I do feel a lot of times like I'm out of my league with my kids in terms of what my responsibility is. "

" My kids are really easy. I often worry that they're too easy to deal with. They're really nice people. "

" You know, the people who do indie film and decide who gets those little budgets? They're mean, man. They're cold and very cool-oriented. "

" My ex-wife, she really didn't like the material that I did. And that's something I regret, that I wasn't more careful about making sure that she was O.K. with it. I just sort of didn't ask. So that's how that goes. "

" Being popular with an audience is a very rickety ladder to be on. "

" Most people are dead. Did you know that? It's true, out of all the people that ever were, almost all of them are dead. "

" I love comedians. They're my community. "

" If you're a woman and a guy's ever said anything romantic to you, he just left off the second part that would have made you sick if you could have heard it. "

" Whenever I've encountered a Christian saying, 'Why don't you stop talking like that so I can hear you?' I think, 'Well you're the one putting the earmuffs on, but I wish you could hear me because I like you.' "

" It's kind of awkward to eat alone in a restaurant because everybody's looking at me. "

" When two kids are being completely berserk, and they're naked and throwing food around, sometimes I just let it go because I can see a future where they're going to be dressed, and they're going to be at school. So I kind of let stuff go sometimes. "

" There's no such thing as a cheap laugh. "

" I don't know what it's like to be an actor, where if your show gets canceled, really you're just a bum. "