Get QuoteDark Inspirational Quotes App

" There's no real preparing at home for stand-up. You just go and you just do it. "

Related Quotes:

" There's no such thing as a cheap laugh. "

" When you're young as a comic, you don't have a lot of leverage. "

" I was a nerd growing up, and I'm a little antisocial and awkward. "

" To me, it's very exhilarating when somebody else does a great thing, and it's not me. "

" A household name is like ketchup. Everybody wants ketchup. Ketchup doesn't hurt anybody. "

" Oh, I love stand-up. "

" I was an awkward kid. "

" A lot of the struggle I had with movies is I really loved moments and tones and feelings in a scene, and I loved creating those, but I never really had great stories to string them together. "

" I grew up watching all these crazy movies, European movies and stuff, and I guess that I always laughed at things that were a little more offbeat. "

" It's hard to know where your thoughts come from, especially when you have a thirst for material because you need it professionally. "

" When I take my kids out for dinner or lunch, people smile at us. "

" When I am in a hotel, and I turn off the lights and the TV, I just freak out. I turn the TV back on and don't get any sleep. "

" My ex-wife, she really didn't like the material that I did. And that's something I regret, that I wasn't more careful about making sure that she was O.K. with it. I just sort of didn't ask. So that's how that goes. "

" Everything that people say is testable. "

" I've had soccer moms come up and tell me they can relate when I say that I want to throw my baby in the trash. "

" I don't believe in this idea of, 'That's hate speech, stop it.' "

" I thought about going to NYU film school - that was this ideal to me. But I didn't make any kind of grades in high school. "

" Pushing the envelope' sort of implies that you're inside the envelope with everyone else, and you're trying to find the edges on the outsides. "

" The only pitch I have to movie people is the same as this one: Just give me $8 million. I'm not telling you what it's about and I'm not telling you who's in it. "

" There's two kinds of press that you get when you put out a TV show: The reviews, and the people that just decide what the reviews say. "

" I do feel a lot of times like I'm out of my league with my kids in terms of what my responsibility is. "

" If I do something for my kids, I get a medal, because most fathers don't. "

" A very painful part of being a parent is having really negative feelings about your children when you love them so much. "

" If you're a cartoon character or most TV characters, sure, you'll fight, because the punches are juicy-sounding and they don't leave marks. But in real life, if somebody punches you in the eye, it doesn't make any noise and your eye is swollen for, like, six months. It's a nightmare to get punched in the eye. "

" When I read things like the foundations of capitalism are shattering, I'm like, maybe we need that. Maybe we need some time where we're walking around with a donkey with pots clanging on the sides. "

" I wish I could know everything ever, like that would be my wish - that's what I hope heaven is, that they tell you who shot JFK and all that stuff. "

" I know what it's like to have a bunch of material that's working that you don't care about. You want to die. "

" I don't think women are better than men, I think men are a lot worse than women. "

" I have a crazy amount of different jobs, so the way I manage that is to not do more than one at a time. It's like old computers that had small memory chips, they would do something called swapping, where they would fill the memory with one task, do it and get it out. "

" I get mad like anybody else does, but being able to laugh about getting mad is very healthy, and my kids know that. "