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" If I do something for my kids, I get a medal, because most fathers don't. "

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" I grew up watching all these crazy movies, European movies and stuff, and I guess that I always laughed at things that were a little more offbeat. "

" When you're a father in a marriage, you sort of become the mother's assistant. And you sort of get a list from her every day and you run down the list and it feels very much like a chore. "

" I don't think it makes any sense to try to get anyone to not talk. "

" I don't think women are better than men, I think men are a lot worse than women. "

" I like all ladies of all different ages. "

" Whenever I've encountered a Christian saying, 'Why don't you stop talking like that so I can hear you?' I think, 'Well you're the one putting the earmuffs on, but I wish you could hear me because I like you.' "

" A lot of TV is put together by teams, by writing staffs and several different directors. It's a great, very smart way to make television. It's worked for however long TV's been around. "

" I don't have a brother in real life. "

" I like being full, every day, with stuff that I have to do. "

" To me, it's very exhilarating when somebody else does a great thing, and it's not me. "

" I think you have to try and fail, because failure gets you closer to what you're good at. "

" My ex-wife, she really didn't like the material that I did. And that's something I regret, that I wasn't more careful about making sure that she was O.K. with it. I just sort of didn't ask. So that's how that goes. "

" I could never sit down and write jokes. "

" I've met a lot of people who've lost their jobs and they still have a sense of humor. "

" I wish I could know everything ever, like that would be my wish - that's what I hope heaven is, that they tell you who shot JFK and all that stuff. "

" I don't believe in this idea of, 'That's hate speech, stop it.' "

" There are people that really live by doing the right thing, but I don't know what that is, I'm really curious about that. I'm really curious about what people think they're doing when they're doing something evil, casually. I think it's really interesting, that we benefit from suffering so much, and we excuse ourselves from it. "

" It's more fun to experience things when you don't know what's going to happen. "

" Life isn't something you possess. It's something you take part in, and you witness. "

" Technically, I've learned that having good legs and wind is good for being on stage. You have to be in shape and have endurance. "

" You can't direct without a good crew. "

" I do feel a lot of times like I'm out of my league with my kids in terms of what my responsibility is. "

" Perception is created and twisted so quickly. "

" You know, the people who do indie film and decide who gets those little budgets? They're mean, man. They're cold and very cool-oriented. "

" I get mad like anybody else does, but being able to laugh about getting mad is very healthy, and my kids know that. "

" Most people are dead. Did you know that? It's true, out of all the people that ever were, almost all of them are dead. "

" There's no such thing as a cheap laugh. "

" Every day starts, my eyes open and I reload the program of misery. I open my eyes, remember who I am, what I'm like, and I just go, 'Ugh'. "

" You have to be aware of who you're talking to in an audience. "

" I'm not sure why I'm so often disgusting on stage. I don't always know where it comes from. "