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" To me the goal of comedy is to just laugh, which is a really high hearted thing, visceral connection and reaction. "

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" I don't stop eating when I'm full. The meal isn't over when I'm full. It's over when I hate myself. "

" My kids are really easy. I often worry that they're too easy to deal with. They're really nice people. "

" The thing is, comedy's gone in a weird direction. People are really into ironic comedy and fakeness and cleverness. "

" Every day starts, my eyes open and I reload the program of misery. I open my eyes, remember who I am, what I'm like, and I just go, 'Ugh'. "

" You have to be aware of who you're talking to in an audience. "

" People get successful and they start saying, 'Well of course I am! I was chosen! I'm special!' No, you're not. "

" I don't have a brother in real life. "

" If you're a woman and a guy's ever said anything romantic to you, he just left off the second part that would have made you sick if you could have heard it. "

" Gay men have to go through something to own their - who they are. They get beat up. They get ostracized. Whatever they go through, if they survive it, they come out very confident people. "

" People don't talk to me on airplanes. "

" There's no such thing as a cheap laugh. "

" A very painful part of being a parent is having really negative feelings about your children when you love them so much. "

" I don't think women are better than men, I think men are a lot worse than women. "

" There's two kinds of press that you get when you put out a TV show: The reviews, and the people that just decide what the reviews say. "

" A household name is like ketchup. Everybody wants ketchup. Ketchup doesn't hurt anybody. "

" When I was first divorced, I started dating younger women, and it was really exciting. But after a while I was like, 'This is just dumb.' "

" For my scale, how I grew up and live my life, I'm making plenty of money. "

" I've learned from experience that if you work harder at it, and apply more energy and time to it, and more consistency, you get a better result. It comes from the work. "

" I've had soccer moms come up and tell me they can relate when I say that I want to throw my baby in the trash. "

" A lot of the struggle I had with movies is I really loved moments and tones and feelings in a scene, and I loved creating those, but I never really had great stories to string them together. "

" Comedians work great as actors because they're good under pressure. With a lot of actors, you have to make them feel like everything's going really well to get a good performance out of them. But, if you have a comedian on the set, you can tell them, 'Hey, you really are screwing this up,' and then they just get better. "

" I definitely look at my body and I go: 'Yuck.' "

" I've always loved boxing. It's something I've always been extremely excited about. "

" I love comedians. They're my community. "

" Some things I think are very conservative, or very liberal. I think when someone falls into one category for everything, I'm very suspicious. It doesn't make sense to me that you'd have the same solution to every issue. "

" I like pressure. Pressure doesn't make me crack. It's enabling. I eat pressure, and there might be times when I get a bad feeling in my gut that this might be too much, but you feel pressure when you're not doing something, you know? "

" There's been a lot of simple vilification of right-wing people. It's really easy to say, 'Well, you're Christian, you're anti-this and that, and I hate you.' But to me, it's more interesting to say, 'What is this person like and how do they really think?' "

" Most people are dead. Did you know that? It's true, out of all the people that ever were, almost all of them are dead. "

" I spend enough time onscreen looking hangdog and depressed. "

" I never viewed money as being 'my money' I always saw it as 'the money.' It's a resource. If it pools up around me then it needs to be flushed back out into the system. "