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" Technically, I've learned that having good legs and wind is good for being on stage. You have to be in shape and have endurance. "

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" I've tried to do away with lying in my life in the last few years, but it's hard. "

" Talking is always positive. That's why I talk too much. "

" The thing is, comedy's gone in a weird direction. People are really into ironic comedy and fakeness and cleverness. "

" If I do something for my kids, I get a medal, because most fathers don't. "

" A very painful part of being a parent is having really negative feelings about your children when you love them so much. "

" I like all ladies of all different ages. "

" I've always loved boxing. It's something I've always been extremely excited about. "

" Being popular with an audience is a very rickety ladder to be on. "

" Every day starts, my eyes open and I reload the program of misery. I open my eyes, remember who I am, what I'm like, and I just go, 'Ugh'. "

" It's more fun to experience things when you don't know what's going to happen. "

" It's a positive thing to talk about terrible things and make people laugh about them. "

" I do actually use a boxing trainer when I train for stand-up. "

" When I was first divorced, I started dating younger women, and it was really exciting. But after a while I was like, 'This is just dumb.' "

" I was an awkward kid. "

" I get mad like anybody else does, but being able to laugh about getting mad is very healthy, and my kids know that. "

" A lot of TV is put together by teams, by writing staffs and several different directors. It's a great, very smart way to make television. It's worked for however long TV's been around. "

" Some entertainers don't pay attention to what's going on around them. "

" I love comedians. They're my community. "

" People get successful and they start saying, 'Well of course I am! I was chosen! I'm special!' No, you're not. "

" I definitely look at my body and I go: 'Yuck.' "

" I thought about going to NYU film school - that was this ideal to me. But I didn't make any kind of grades in high school. "

" My ex-wife, she really didn't like the material that I did. And that's something I regret, that I wasn't more careful about making sure that she was O.K. with it. I just sort of didn't ask. So that's how that goes. "

" Oh, I love stand-up. "

" Gay men have to go through something to own their - who they are. They get beat up. They get ostracized. Whatever they go through, if they survive it, they come out very confident people. "

" Comedy isn't polite and it isn't correct and it isn't accurate, even. It's just a mess. So that's the way that I approach it. "

" I spend enough time onscreen looking hangdog and depressed. "

" Anytime you see a bit where some stranger does something to me, it's me. "

" My kids are really easy. I often worry that they're too easy to deal with. They're really nice people. "

" It's hard to know where your thoughts come from, especially when you have a thirst for material because you need it professionally. "

" If you're a woman and a guy's ever said anything romantic to you, he just left off the second part that would have made you sick if you could have heard it. "