Get QuoteDark Inspirational Quotes App

" I wear a necklace, cause I wanna know when I'm upside down. "

Related Quotes:

" We actually found some home videos, some really funny footage of me when I was around 3 years old. I come up to the camera to do a Nixon impression. I don't know who taught me that, but I come up to the camera and said, 'I am not a crook.' I got a really good laugh. You see me register that bringing joy to people is a positive thing. "

Annaleigh Ashford

" Back in the '70s, like one of my favorite movies ever was 'The Bad News Bears', and that was a kids' movie, but I don't think of it that way. I think of it as just a great movie because Walter Matthau was so funny and so harsh with those kids. "

" There's a great power in words, if you don't hitch too many of them together. "

" Funny you mention my dinner parties when I have just suggested that inviting close friends over to share a meal with candlelight and wine at your table could be a form of religious experience for some people. To me it's a form of sacrament. "

" People forget how outcast 'They Might Be Giants' can be. They have a reputation for writing really deft, funny, clever melodies, and they also make a lot of music for kids, which is terrific, but when you see them in concert, they can rock the house. "

" Everyone has at least one story, and each of us is funny if we admit it. You have to admit you're the funniest person you've ever heard of. "

" I believe in rules. Sure I do. If there weren't any rules, how could you break them? "

" The last time I saw him he was walking down lover's lane holding his own hand. "

" Two wrongs don't make a right, but they make a good excuse. "

" I found there was only one way to look thin: hang out with fat people. "

Rodney Dangerfield

" I'm not saying that I'm on some crusade to change people's minds. I'm just doing what I do. I'm a comedian, I'm trying to be funny... I think when they see a comedy show with an Iranian and an Egyptian and two Palestinians, I think they go, 'Oh wow, these guys are just like us.' "

" I never looked at myself as the fat sister. Sometimes I would beat people to the punch and say, 'Oh I'm the fat, funny one,' because that's what people would say about me. But I never really thought that. "

Khloe Kardashian

" If I studied all my life, I couldn't think up half the number of funny things passed in one session of congress. "

" If I were two-faced, would I be wearing this one? "

Abraham Lincoln

" When I eventually met Mr. Right I had no idea that his first name was Always. "

" I had everything I'd hoped for, but I wasn't being myself. So I decided to be honest about who I was. It was strange: The people who loved me for being funny suddenly didn't like me for being... me. "

Ellen DeGeneres

" I would talk in iambic pentameter if it were easier. "

" I know my strong points: I work hard, I have talent, I'm funny, and I'm a good person. "

" I'm just not one of those naturally funny, relaxed actors who enjoy the spotlight and are so good at it. "

" Life goes by fast. Enjoy it. Calm down. It's all funny. Next. Everyone gets so upset about the wrong things. "

" A stockbroker urged me to buy a stock that would triple its value every year. I told him, 'At my age, I don't even buy green bananas.' "

" The trouble with having an open mind, of course, is that people will insist on coming along and trying to put things in it. "

Terry Pratchett

" One of the disadvantages of wine is that it makes a man mistake words for thoughts. "

" Don't talk about yourself; it will be done when you leave. "

" 'Hustle' is wonderfully enjoyable because all my life, I've made an effort to be with people who can make me laugh. That original cast - Marc Warren, Jaime Murray, Robert Glenister and Adrian Lester - are all funny. So I know every day I'll have a few good laughs. "

" After all is said and done, sit down. "

" Most of my show is true; like, 90% of everything I say on stage is true. I just have to find the way to make it funny - that's the difficult thing. "

" One advantage of talking to yourself is that you know at least somebody's listening. "

Franklin P. Jones

" Does it bother me that I'm attached to 'Three's Company' 30 years after? Not at all. All we were trying to do was be funny. How can I complain? That's all I wanted to do. "

" I'm funny. I'm a comedian. I'm not a clown. "